


You're Mine

by Ashcat252



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Sam, Eventual Dean Bottom, Heavy Angst, Incest, M/M, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Rutting, Sibling Incest, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 09:37:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 35,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17660303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashcat252/pseuds/Ashcat252
Summary: The real reason Sam Winchester left his family wasn't just because of college. No, definitely not that. The real reason was much more terrifying and it had nothing to do with ghosts or demons.But it had everything to do with his older brother, Dean Winchester.





	1. Sammy

Sam had no clue when those twisted feelings started. He just knew that Dean had always tried his best to be there for him. Sam looked up to him and that was normal for a little brother to do.

What wasn't normal was the overwhelming urge to touch him and kiss him. It made him so sick he'd be up at night retching up that nights supper. It hurt him so much to feel those things but it didn't stop the burning in his abdomen and the aching in his cock as he tried his best not to touch himself at the thought of his own brother.

He was weak so he couldn't control himself. He'd work his length and would pretend that it was his brother, saying his name over and over again under his breath until he came in his hand. And then the shame would wash over him where the afterglow should have been.

Sam knew it was wrong but he couldn't stop it. He wished he could just shut it off and never have to to think those things again.. but no matter how hard he tried he'd be back in to thinking about how it'd feel to be in Dean's arms.

He loved his brother but not in the way he was supposed to. It made living with him, growing up with him, extremely hard. He studied hard and was accepted into Stanford and he was ready to leave and forget about the life of ghost hunting and.. Dean.

But then he'd think of the game that they'd play. Something they weren't inherently conscious of but it was there nonetheless. On the nights where Dean would have girls over, Sam would always be there in the hallway to catch him leading a new girl to his room. It was almost perfectly timed but never on purpose. They'd make eye contact and Dean would smirk at his brother as he shut the door behind them.

The jealousy would take over and he'd sulk in his room. He couldn't exactly be mad because what he was feeling was unnatural. What made things worse was how loud Dean would be.. and his sounds of pleasure would turn Sam on to no end. He figured Dean would know to be quiet considering their rooms were so close in the house they had been staying in.

Sam liked to fantasize that Dean did it all on purpose so he could hear him. Such a wild thing to imagine, but it made him feel better about masturbating to the sound. He'd lay back and use his fingers on himself and pretend Dean was fucking him, that those noises were for him and for him alone. Those nights where their orgasms were almost perfectly synced were the best, the most fulfilling.

His mental state only got worse the morning after their little game. He'd wake up alone and be reminded that it wasn't him that his brother was inside of the night before and remember that it wasn't where he was supposed to be anyway. He knew if he didn't leave soon it would only get worse and he'd end up doing something he would regret.  
The night before he was finally going to leave he found Dean in his room drinking away. He was sulking and drunk and glared up at Sam when he walked in. The youngest Winchester awkwardly sat at the end of Dean's small bed.

"College is going to be really good for me, Dean." Sam said rather weakly. That was a fact, but he'd be lying if he said his soul reason for going was for the education. Dean scoffed and turned in his desk chair to face his little brother.

"Whatever. You're running away and you know it." And with that Dean took another swig of his beer and placed it beside the four other empty bottles. Sam knew their dad was going to be pissed about him drinking all of his beers but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"I'm not running away." Sam lied. He knew he was but not for the reasons Dean thought. The older of the two stood up, shaking his head as he neared Sam and stood in front of him. Sam looked up, his green eyes wide as the heat radiating off of Dean's body made him shake-but only slightly. He prayed it wasn't noticeable.

"Sammy." Dean sighed as he trailed his fingers over his jaw. The contact burned in the best way but Sam knew Dean didn't mean it the way he wanted it. It made it so much worse but his body was frozen as he waited for Dean to make his next move, which Sam was pretty sure was going to be a punch in the face.

"You're mine, Sammy. I don't want you anywhere else."

The little moan that escaped Sam's mouth at such words made Dean lick his lips. The shakes were definitely noticeable at that point as he stared up in pure horror. That noise-Dean's face-Sam couldn't believe it. Something was wrong.

"You're.. you're drunk. Stop." That sick feeling bubbled in his stomach as heat started to build up in his abdomen and groin. They had to stop and soon, Sam told himself as he tried to figure out the best way to escape.

"You don't think I can hear you at night? Moaning my name as you touch yourself.." Dean whispered hotly as his fingers trailed over Sam's parted lips.  
This can't be real, Sam thought as he let out another moan at the sound of Dean's husky voice.

"What was it it, Sammy? Were you thinking about me in between your legs, your cock in my mouth? Is that what you want from your big brother?" He leaned in close as he said those words and Sam could not control the urgent and breathless sound that escaped his lips:

_"Yes."_

And with that, Dean finally closed in the space between them and kissed Sam hard on the lips. Tears prickled at Sam's eyes as the thing he wanted most was finally playing out. He kissed back with no hesitation and let Dean's tongue take over his mouth. Another breathless moan came from Sam and it made Dean tighten his grip around him and Sam almost melted at the sound of Dean's needy groan.

Kissing him didn't feel wrong or shameful. All he could feel was euphoria as Dean breathed heavily into his mouth like he was enjoying it too. Sam hoped he was.  
When Dean pulled away Sam could see a tinge of sadness in those green eyes. He recognized it as it had been the thing he'd been feeling for years. He wondered if Dean was already regretting starting that. He waited for him to back away and make Sam leave.

He was surprised when Dean actually went to his knees, his eyes never leaving Sam's. It was too hot in that room and his pants were too tight.

_We shouldn't be doing this. If dad were to walk in-_

"Who do you belong to, Sammy?" That question and the feeling of Dean's hands on his thighs caused an embarrassing squeal to come from the younger man. Sam was confused for only a short moment because he knew exactly what the answer was.

"You. I.. I belong to you." Sam whispered as he watched as Dean finally began to take off his pants. "Good boy," Dean said as he pulled Sam's jeans down to his ankles. Dean took the bulge in his hands and rubbed it through the boxers.

Sam groaned and gripped at Dean's shoulders. He almost came just by that simple touch. That would have been too embarrassing and probably would have cut the interaction short.. Sam definitely didn't want that.

"You're already so hard." Dean analyzed. Sam couldn't tell if he sounded turned on or disgusted. It could have very well been both.

The feeling of Dean's hand wrapping around his cock made a shaky breath come from Sam's parted lips. He wanted to shut his eyes and just feel it but that sick part of him wanted to watch as his brother licked up the shaft and to the already leaking tip, up until he finally opened his mouth and brought the length down his throat. Those lips wrapped around his cock made Sam gasp, his grip even tighter on Dean's shoulders as his legs began to shake.

"D-Dean.. I can't-" Sam's hips bucked up as he came, spilling his seed down his brother's throat. Dean took it all without a sound as Sam rode out his orgasm until he began to feel overstimulated and eventually pushed Dean off of him gently when he couldn't take anymore.

Dean stood up slowly and licked the excess substance from around his lips. Though that in itself was a sight to behold, he couldn't tell what his older brother was feeling and that scared him.

A cold chill ran through the younger man as he suddenly felt exposed and wrong. A line had just been crossed and it was at that very moment it all sunk in.

"Dean.. I'm so sorry.." His voice cracked as he put his face in his hands, the shame he always felt taking over. How could he make his brother do that? He could have stopped it from happening but Sam wanted so badly to be selfish.

Gingerly, Dean removed his hands and replaced them with his own. He kissed him and Sam felt like he was going to burst. Alcohol mixed with his own come invaded his senses and he loved it all too much. So much that he let Dean undress him-let his brother push him against the mattress and kiss down his naked body.

His mind was too far gone to find any rational thought. Each touch from Dean left his body burning and needing more. Sam moaned and begged and Dean delivered each time, caressing and kissing his body without question.

"I need you inside me." Sam said desperately as though he was in one of his fantasies. The confession hung in the air and Dean paused, his eyes laced with concern. Sam could feel his heart in his throat. _I fucked this up-he doesn't want me-_

"Is that what you really want, Sam?" Dean asked tenderly, tearing his little brother away from his anxious thoughts. His hand trailed down his little brother's torso and to his inner thigh, pushing them apart just slightly.

"You want my cock inside you?" Dean asked hotly against Sam's neck. "Fucking you?" His tongue trailed over his earlobe and made Sam gasp out a lustful _yes._

Dean urged him to shut his eyes and simply breathe, so that's exactly what Sam did. He heard a tube being opened and the sound of what he assumed was the lube being squeezed in Dean's hand. A sick excitement surged through him at the thought of what was about to come.

For that moment he didn't care about how he was making Dean feel. He only cared about himself as he felt Dean push a lubed digit inside of his tight opening. The burn was nothing compared to the thought of having his brother inside of him-just like he wanted for so long. However, Sam appreciated just how gentle Dean was, stretching him slowly and with ease.

Sam kept his eyes shut but he gripped tightly at Dean's arm, moaning as pain and pleasure ripped through him. "Doing so good," Dean whispered as he scissored his fingers. His big brother's words of encouragement only proved to edge him on more.

By the time a third finger had been added Sam was breathless and begging, bucking his hips against those fingers while telling Dean that he was ready. Sam gasped when the fingers were removed and finally opened his eyes, an audible _fuck_ could be heard under his breath at the sight of his naked brother.

His eyes glazed over each contour of Dean's muscles, then down Dean's torso and then finally to his hard cock. The fact that Dean was hard for him left his throat dry and heart pounding. It must've been because of the alcohol because there was no way he was sick like Sam was, but in the end it didn't matter.

The only thing that mattered was Dean positioning himself above his Sammy. His eyes were unsure, the first for sure emotion Sam was able to pinpoint that entire time. The hesitation in his features made the younger brother panic. He didn't want this to stop.

"Please don't stop." Sam begged desperately. He raised his hands and touched Dean's face because he actually could and pulled him into searing kiss. Dean's tense muscles relaxed as he sighed into the kiss, using his skilled tongue to distract Sam from the sharp pain of his cock filling him.

The younger brother gripped hard at Dean's shoulders but didn't pull away from the kiss. He welcomed the pain. It was what he always wanted and it was perfect-Dean's tongue on his, his hands on his body, and his cock inside him left his body on fire and in the best way. He didn't feel sick, not in that moment as Dean moaned into his mouth. Knowing he was feeling good as well made it all so much better.

Sam wondered how such a thing could be considered wrong. Nothing felt wrong about his brother moaning about good it felt to be inside him. Nothing felt wrong about how perfectly their bodies fit together. Nothing felt more right than that.

He dug his nails into his back as all of the pain faded, begging for more. Dean didn't hold back his thrusts or his moans-loud and sexy, just like he had been those nights when they'd play their game. Sam almost came again at the thought of actually being right, that maybe Dean actually was being loud on purpose, just for him.

" _God_ -you're so beautiful, Sammy." Dean breathed as he intertwined his fingers with Sam's. He couldn't comprehend how someone so gorgeous could see him that way, but he didn't want to question it, not with how Dean was looking at him, not with how his cock was hitting that bundle of nerves over and over again just right.

"Dean.. _fuck_.." Sam moaned, his hands trailing over each and every inch of his brother's body, ingraining each detail into his memory. He wrapped his legs around Dean's waist and deeper he went, his pace slower but more violent.

"Mine." Dean growled as he sucked at Sam's neck harshly. "All mine." The sucking turned into bites, marking the skin over his collar bone and chest. Sam's back arched, losing himself in each sensation.

"I'm yours, Dean.. all yours." Sam gasped, his second climax of the evening nearing exponentially, his lips finding Dean's in a needy kiss. His older brother kissed back with a passion, the thrusts of his hips faster as his free hand tangled into Sam's long hair. Dean was close and Sam could feel it in his movements.

Sam whimpered into the kiss as his own orgasm neared. He didn't want it to end. He didn't want to stop and have to face reality, things were better with Dean inside of him, marking him as his own. And then the thought occurred to him that he hadn't marked Dean at all and that didn't seem fair. He pulled away and latched onto Dean's neck and began sucking, biting and licking his flushed skin. Dean cursed under his breath and let Sam mark him. The fact that Sam could do that pushed him closer to the brink.

"Sammy-I- _damn_... I'm close, baby boy." Dean said as he raised his upper body, the marks Sam had left on him heavily visible down his neck and collar bone. The sight made Sam curse out in a breathy moan, his warm semen shooting in between their bodies, throwing his head back as each wave washed over him. He would have been slightly embarrassed if Dean didn't come soon after, riding out his orgasm inside of him.

Dean kissed him as he came, their tongues rolling off each other messily. They didn't pull away for a while, even when Dean eventually removed himself from Sam's warmth. The dirty lock of lips turned slow and tender in a matter of minutes, the little room filled with their heavy breathing and the smell of sex.

Sam never felt more complete than he had in that moment. He didn't care if it wasn't real because there Dean was, his naked body touching his. Sam didn't care about the reason why. He was Dean's in every way possible in that moment and it was all he ever wanted.

It wasn't until Dean pulled away with a broken sob did the atmosphere finally crash around them. Sam watched as emotion finally poured from Dean and it wasn't what he wanted at all. It looked all too much like regret and that had stung. It reminded Sam that what they did wasn't supposed to happen. It was wrong. So when Dean pressed his forehead against his, whispering apologies, Sam broke down too.

Dean wrapped his arms around him in an attempt to comfort Sam. That was what he always did for him, no matter what the cost. Sam guessed Dean didn't realize the cost would be their own sanity.

"I'm sorry for getting upset. Please don't cry, Sammy. I love you." Dean whispered as he kissed the top of Sam's head. Another sob wracked through Sam's chest because he knew Dean couldn't love him the way he loved him. He meant it as it should have been-how a brother is supposed to love a brother. Despite what they just did-it didn't mean a damn thing.

Dean pulled the covers over them both and Sam tried his best to breathe and calm down. He let himself have that moment against his brother's chest, heat radiating over his body as Dean's arms wrap around him once again. He felt loved and he felt protected, all by the one person he wanted most. He knew he was still acting selfishly but it was just for the night, he told himself.

"Don't leave me, Sam. I'd do anything to keep you here. Even.. _this_..if that means you'll stay with me." Dean mumbled into the dark when he thought Sam was sleeping. Choked back sobs could be heard from the older brother as he held on tightly to Sam like his life depended on it.

" _My_ Sammy." Sam's heart broke at the cracking in Dean's voice. The weight of his selfishness crashed down onto him and the sickness wracked at his body but he stayed still and let Dean hold him. But he knew he couldn't stay.

If Sam were to stay, he knew he'd still put Dean through this and it wasn't fair. Dean deserved more than being his brother's pet. He deserved happiness and there'd be no real way he could get that from Sam, no matter how much it hurt for the youngest Winchester to admit.

For that night he let himself fall asleep in his brother's arms. He'd never felt more safe than he did right there in his Dean's bed. Just like when he was little and had a nightmare, Dean would always pull him in with little complaint. He was just being a good big brother but somewhere along the line Sam's mind fucked it all up and made it more than what it was supposed to be.

Removing himself from Dean's embrace felt like the hardest thing in the world to do. Sam wanted nothing more than to stay and just be Dean's. Being held like that and kissed and touched whenever he asked-

No.

Sam gave sleeping Dean one last glance before leaving. His father was passed out on the couch because he had been too pissed to do anything other than watch tv. Sam tore his eyes away from his dad and pushed himself out of the door. He didn't want to leave his dad either but his mind was too far gone to be the son he was supposed to be.

Dean would be a full fledged hunter like their father and Sam would be the lawyer he always wanted to be. The night they shared would be nothing more than a painful memory. A memory Sam would always find himself thinking about in the dead of night even years later, next to his long term girlfriend, Jess. That was still all it was.. just a memory. He was getting better, he thought. He was even thinking about proposing.

But all good things come to an end. That was one thing Dean made sure of as he came crashing back into Sam's life, making him realize he was still just as sick as the day he left.


	2. Curiosity

If there was one thing Dean was reluctant to admit it would be that John Winchester was a difficult person. Even more difficult when he happened to be your father. He was hard on Dean and his little brother, Sam.

Sam was also difficult. He didn't like following the rules and that left Dean to look after him so he wouldn't get himself in trouble or hurt. That's what big brothers do after all. They protect their little siblings.

In their situation, however, Dean's protectiveness multiplied by twenty. Spirits and demons were something they were all too aware of, and they had to be careful. Especially when they were left alone for periods of time while their dad was on a hunt.

Taking care of a kid when you're a kid yourself can be mentally exhausting, but Dean wouldn't trade it for the world. Sam meant everything to him, no matter how much he would complain about having to be his main caregiver, which was minimal already.

His dad instilled in him that he should adapt rather than complain about a situation. In their world they had no other choice, that was all he knew. So after hours of trying to get Sam to bed and finally being able to sleep himself, he couldn't bring himself to complain when he crawled into bed with him and said he was scared.

Dean would pull his brother in and Sam would fall asleep instantly. Even then he had to admit how cute his brother could be. Cute wouldn't get him by all that much with the stuff they were destined for, but that didn't matter to Dean as he pushed Sam's long hair from his eyes and kissed his forehead.

Sam was his. There was always this connection that kept them close, and he wasn't sure if it was because they were brothers. He didn't know what it meant anyway so he didn't think about it too much. He just knew that Sam was his, even if he didn't say it out loud.

When his Sammy started to pull away it honestly broke Dean's heart. He was getting into his teen years so it was only natural that he wanted more space from his brother to make his own friends. Of course that was normal but it wasn't fair. Dean wasn't allowed to have space but Sam didn't give a damn about the rules, something he made abundantly clear.

There had been one evening their dad left them again, saying that the hunt he was leaving for needed to be done alone. He'd be back in a week, he had said. Dean was beyond disappointed. He wanted to be out their with his dad, killing those damn demons. He also didn't feel like being alone with Sam. That was probably the main reason.

Something changed between them. He couldn't tell what it was but Sam had been pulling back even more and it stung. It left things awkward around them and Dean didn't understand why. Did he mother him too much? Was he too strict? All these questions burned through his mind and he needed an answer.

In the little motel room they were staying in, Sam had locked himself in the bathroom, and had been in there for the last hour. His dietary issues aside, Dean needed answers. He made his way over to the door and was about to knock but breathy sounds from inside stopped him. He could clearly hear the little noises Sam was making. Normally, he would have walked away, because that wasn't something that should be interrupted.

But not when your little brother was moaning your name. He was frozen in his spot as Sam's breath hitched, his voice low but the sound of Dean's name clear as day.  
_What the hell.._ Dean thought as he pressed his ear against the door. He shouldn't have been nosy but he was too curious.

"D-Dean.. _fuck_.." Sam gasped. Dean could hear the wet sounds of his hand moving up and down his length. He could picture it.. Sam sitting on the lid of the toilet with his eyes closed, thinking of his older brother as he jacked off. Dean's throat went dry as Sam's moans got just a tad bit louder. He was gonna come soon.

He should have already walked back to the other side of the motel room. He shouldn't he listening. But on the other hand.. Sam shouldn't have been moaning his name. They were both breaking an invisible boundary so Dean stayed put and shut his eyes, imagining his little brother's face as he came for him.

That must have been his reason for pulling away. Dean didn't know what to make of it. For whatever reason, he didn't feel disgusted or disappointed. Just deeply concerned for his little brother. But there was no way he could bring it up.

When Dean heard the lock click he mentally cursed and practically leaped onto the bed. He pretended to be watching TV but his heart was pounding. Sam sat in the chair next to the window and kept his eyes on the TV as well.

Dean couldn't look at the screen for long. He had to look at Sam and what he saw broke his heart. He looked paler and was visibly shaking, like he was about to vomit all over the place. That just made it more clear to Dean that he should not bring it up, not yet.

Whatever it was that made Sam do that, it was obviously hurting him. Dean didn't know how to make it better. He was still so confused as to why Sam was feeling that way. Was he too close? Did he come off in any way that he wanted..? _fuck-_

Dean tore his eyes away from his tortured looking brother and stared up at the ceiling of the grimy motel. They had to get out of that room and get some fresh air. Sam wasn't about it at first. He said he didn't feel well but Dean took a hesitant hand and ruffled through his hair.

"Come on, man. I wanna spend time with you." Those words seemed to spark something inside Sam because when he looked up at Dean, he actually looked happy. Those big green eyes. Those innocent looking things looking up at him made Dean happy too. He let his fingers trail down his neck and he could tell it affected Sam in some way. It left Dean feeling curious.

A loud honk from outside the motel brought him back down to reality. This was his little brother who was blushing because of his touch. He removed his hand and ran his fingers through his hair, facing the door.

"The pool's closing soon. We should go and, uh.. do that." After that they tried to go on about life like usual but something changed between them. Something small, too small for even Dean to notice at the time. He grew more curious as the months pass, listening as every other night Sam would be moaning for him.

A small part of Dean knew that Sam shouldn't have been doing what he was doing, and that he also shouldn't be listening to it. Yet he couldn't bring himself to bring it up. Something about his brother wanting him left him speechless.

It felt nice being wanted by the person he cared about most. The line blurred between what was right and wrong and so Dean let the feeling sit with him until he decided to play with his Sammy some more.

He'd bring girls over when their dad wasn't around and make sure Sam would see them. He'd note the tinge of jealousy in his little brother's eyes. Doing this was mean of him but Dean couldn't help it. He projected his moans when he was inside of each girl to make sure Sam could hear. If he listened closely he could hear Sam pleasuring himself, sobbing out moans against his fingers no doubt.

He'd come to the thought of his brother needing him. It didn't matter how. He told himself it wasn't wrong because at least he wasn't touching him. He never took into consideration how the game they played made everything worse for Sam.

Dean knew it was his fault when Sam announced he was leaving for college. He called for a family meeting and boldly let them know that he had to leave to start his own life, that demon hunting just wasn't for him. Dean knew it wasn't just that though. He played too much and sent Sam over the edge.

Their dad was furious. A fight ensued between the two of them and Dean felt lightheaded. As they fought Dean took his dad's pack of beers and went to his little room in the old house that one of his dad's friends was letting them use. He sat and drank and didn't stop until he saw Sam walk in and sit at the edge of his bed.

"College is going to be really good for me." Sam had said in a small voice. It annoyed drunk Dean, something that was evident as he rolled his eyes and scoffed. He didn't believe for a second that Sam was actually leaving for that, not entirely anyway.

"Whatever." Dean spat, " you're running away and you know it." He took another long sip of his beer and sat it down. His mind was fuzzy but he knew one thing for sure: he didn't want Sam to leave. He'd do anything to change his mind.

Even if it meant crossing the line he swore he'd never cross.

"I'm not running away." Sam lied through his teeth. Dean shook his head as he got up and neared his brother. Little tremors from his body were slightly noticeable and Dean could tell what he was about to do was going to be too easy.

"Sammy." Dean sighed as he trailed his fingers over his jaw. Cleanly shaven.. not like he was growing much then anyway. But Dean had to admit that he liked baby faced Sam, even in that moment where those big green eyes were staring up at him. It made his next words even more true.

"You're mine, Sammy. I don't want you anywhere else."

The little noise that came from Sam after that made Dean lick his lips, his heart beating just a little bit faster. This was already so wrong. He couldn't bring himself to stop, however. He had to admit to himself that he wanted to see just how far he could go, his curiosity ever present. It was that same curiosity that got them there. He could have stopped this long ago, but.. he simply didn't want to.

"You're drunk." Sam gasped, "Stop." The request didn't meet his eyes. Dean could tell he wanted-needed-more. Dean planned on giving him just that.

"You don't think I can hear you at night?" Dean asked as he moved his fingers over those parted lips, "Moaning my name as you touch yourself.." Dean trailed off as another moan escaped his little brother's throat. Dean liked the way he sounded a little too much, especially since he knew he was the reason for it.

"What was it, Sammy?" Dean whispered, "Were you thinking about me in between your legs, your cock in my mouth?" He vaguely wondered why he wasn't disgusted by those words. In fact, it stirred up something completely different. And when Sam let out that breathy and desperate _yes_ , Dean couldn't hold back.

He leaned in and kissed him deeply. It took barely a second before Sam was kissing back, his hands gripping at the nape of Dean's neck. He'd be lying to himself if he said it didn't feel good to have him moaning in his mouth, especially in his drunken state. He let out a noise of his own, his hands tight against Sam's waist.

He pulled away for air and he couldn't help but notice the excitement in those green eyes and the heat already flooding to Sam's cheeks. Dean couldn't help but feel upset. This was his little brother he was making feel this way. The same kid who he'd tuck in on those nights their dad would leave them alone. _This isn't right-I shouldn't be-_

Dean forced those thoughts back and went to his knees, his hands planted firmly onto Sam's thighs. He looked up at Sam's surprised features and slowly trailed his hands up to his belt. One question rang through his mind and he had to know if Sam knew the answer. He guessed he already knew he would as the words slipped off his tongue.

"Who do you belong to, Sammy?" And just as he thought, Sam answered in an instant. _You.. I belong to you._ That was all Dean needed before he slid his pants down those long legs and down to his ankles. He took in a deep breath before taking the bulge in his hand, massaging it gently. Sam had a reaction almost instantly, something he could tell by the way he gripped at Dean's shoulders.

Dean's mind was going in a million directions, a million emotions coursing through him and he prayed it didn't show. He was beginning to sober up and it was getting harder to do what he had to do. But he knew if he stopped now, Sam would leave him. So he pushed through it all and pulled Sam's length from its confinement, holding the warm appendage in his hand. It was flushed and pulsating, leaking and ready for his touch.

"You're already so hard.." Dean couldn't help but say it out loud. They'd barely done anything but Sam was already so needy and breathless. Dean couldn't deny the heat pooling in his abdomen as his body reacted to Sam needing him. It made it easier to lean down and trace his tongue up the base of his little brother's cock.

He could feel Sam watch him as twirled his tongue over the tip. he could even feel him tense up as he wrapped his lips around it, slowly sinking down and then back up again. Sam gripped hard at his shoulders and moaned out his name, his thighs quaking and Dean braced himself, knowing full well what was coming.

"D-Dean.. I can't-" Warm, thick liquid filled his mouth and he swallowed it all. He let him ride out his orgasm until he finally pushed him off. The older brother staggered up to his feet and looked down and his flushed Sammy, and then down to his spent cock. He could still taste it in his mouth. He licked what was left off of his lips and watched as Sam put his face in his hands, apologizing like he forced him to do such a thing.

Dean leaned against the old desk and let out deep breaths. He just let his little brother come in his mouth and the worst part was he enjoyed every second of it. He drank the last bit of his beer to calm his nerves and turned back to his Sammy. He was on the brink of tears and that only proved to break his heart even more.

 _To hell with how I feel,_ Dean decided. The only person that mattered in that room was Sam. As gently as he could he removed Sam's hands and placed his own against those warm cheeks, kissing him nice and slow. He hoped Sam could feel how much he loved him through that kiss and could see how far he'd really go for him as he undressed him.

He couldn't deny how beautiful his Sammy was. He loved the feeling of his fingertips against his little brother's warm skin, how every little touch caused him to tremble and beg for more. Dean kissed over his chest and down his muscled tummy, taking in his scents and every curve. He could have stayed just like that if it wasn't for Sam's next request.

"I need you inside me.." Sam let out through heavy breaths. It made Dean pause. He felt his muscles tense at the thought. He had no idea that was what Sam wanted. He almost wasn't sure he could until he looked up and saw the panic in his little brother's eyes.

"Is that what you really want, Sam?" Dean asked softly as he trailed his fingertips down the length of his torso and then down to his inner thigh, parting them and resting his hand there. He leaned forward to Sam's ear, breathing huskily into the flushed skin.

"You want my cock inside you?" Dean asked in a whisper, "Fucking you?" He trailed his tongue over his earlobe and his Sammy gasped out a lusty and desperate _yes_. Dean took in a deep breath and softly kissed his forehead before sitting up.

"I want you to shut your eyes, Sam. Just relax and breathe, okay?" The youngest Winchester did as he was told and it gave Dean time to think. He couldn't believe he was about to go this far. He couldn't say much because he was curious about just how far he could go.. he guessed he finally got his answer as he went to his nightstand to get his lube.

There was no going back after that. While all the other stuff they'd done wasn't great either, that almost seemed like crossing a new line. A line that if crossed would forever alter the course of their relationship. There'd be no going back to normal, if you could even call what they had normal in the first place. However, it was still a risk Dean was willing to take as he removed his clothes and got back into bed with his baby brother.

He watched Sam's face as he pressed just one finger inside his tight entrance, _so damn beautiful_ , Dean thought shamefully as he gently moved the single digit. Moans and curses spilled from Sam's parted lips as he eventually added the second finger, still trying to be as careful as he could.

"You're doing so good." Dean cooed as he scissored his fingers, stretching him even further. The statement had been true. Sam showed no signs of pain, just pure pleasure at the feeling of his big brother's fingers inside of him. Dean knew that wouldn't be enough as he added a third. Sam bucked his hips against those fingers and cried out broken pleas. He was stretched and ready and Dean couldn't be more turned on by that fact.

He was still unsure. There was a part of him, however little it was by that point, that hoped Sam would tell him to stop, that he didn't have to do this. He knew that wouldn't be the case, the exact opposite actually. Sam could probably see the worry in his eyes and it caused him to place his hands against Dean's cheeks. The older brother leaned into the touch and listened as his Sammy begged him not to stop.

Sam pulled him down into a desperate kiss and Dean sighed into it, gliding his tongue through those parted lips. There was no more room for doubt as he pushed inside, the tightness engulfing his length and _fuck_ , it felt too good. He stilled himself as Sam gripped at his shoulders, letting him adjust to his size.

"Move.. Dean, please-.." His little brother begged, and that was all Dean needed. He thrusted hard and watched as Sam's eyes rolled back. His Sammy was enjoying it and that edged him on even more as he gave another violent roll of his hips. Dean knew he was hitting the right spot when Sam's nails clawed at his back.

What they were doing was sick, he knew this. He knew it but as his Sammy looked up at him with those eyes-those innocent things now clouded with lust-lust that was caused by none other than his older brother.. He didn't care. He didn't care about how wrong it was as long as Sam was right there, even like this. His walls tightened around Dean's length and he groaned at the feeling.

" _God_ -You're so beautiful, Sammy." The words spilled out in a heavy breath as he intertwined his fingers with his. No one could ever be more beautiful than his Sammy, especially like this, with his legs wrapped around his waist, moaning his name.

Sam was going to ruin him and for the moment Dean was more than okay with that. He could be like this with him and they'd be okay, he would be okay. He could love Sam the way he loved him and they'd be happy. Together.

"Mine." Dean growled, "All mine." He latched onto Sam's neck, sucking and biting along the flushed skin. He made sure to leave his marks down to his chest. He was never one to mark others but it was different with him. Dean wanted Sam to know that he belonged to him and to him alone. _My Sammy_.

"I'm yours, Dean.. All yours." Sam gasped before pulling Dean down in a needy kiss. Dean kissed back with just as much passion, if not more. He tangled his fingers into the younger brother's long hair as his pace quickened, his orgasm so close but he found himself not wanting it to end. Things were better like that, with Dean inside of his Sammy, with all rational thought gone from their minds.

Holding back his climax proved to be a challenge when Sam pulled away to leave his own marks along his older brother's neck and collar bone. Dean let out a curse at the feeling. He never knew just how much he would love being marked by his Sammy. It made Dean feel good knowing he was just as possessive as he was. Made him feel like he belonged to Sam just as much as Sam belonged to him.

"Sammy-I- _Damn_.. I'm close, baby boy." Dean struggled out as he sat up to have more control over his movements. It was that slight change that made Sam throw his head back as he came, shooting his load between the two. The sight of his little brother's blissful face and the feel of those warm walls tightening around his cock pushed him right to the edge. Dean kissed Sam messily as he rode out his orgasm inside of him and stayed like that, even when he eventually pulled out.

The loss of the warmth around his length was made up for by Sam wrapping his arms around him and kissing him gently, rather than the wet lock of tongues that had been there before. It calmed him down and for the moment he enjoyed the after glow and the heat radiating off the beautiful body beside him.

However, as the atmosphere calmed, he sobered completely. The smell of their sex engulfed his senses and the full weight of what he did-what they did-crashed down onto him. He had to pull away when his chest tightened because it felt as though no air could fill his lungs and those damn eyes looked at him with such pain and it made it all so much worse. Sam looked like he'd done something wrong but Dean only blamed himself.

His soul purpose was to take care of his little brother, but not like this. _It was never supposed to be like this._

"I'm sorry-so sorry-don't wanna lose you-.." Dean sobbed and held onto Sam like he'd just disappear any second. Maybe if he held on tight enough they could just stay in that moment forever. Sam wouldn't leave him and they'd be okay. They had to be okay.

It didn't feel like it would be though when Sam broke down right after him. Dean held in all of his cries and wrapped his arms around his little brother, trying his best to calm him down. He hadn't meant to upset him. It had been the very last thing he wanted to do.

"I'm sorry for getting upset. Please don't cry, Sammy. I love you." He loved his Sammy so much that it hurt. The love he had for him went way beyond family and Sam had to know that. Dean would do anything for him. He hoped Sam knew that, too.

After awhile Sam managed to calm down and Dean pulled the covers over their naked bodies. He held his Sammy against his chest and didn't want to ever let go. He ran his fingers through those long locks until he fell asleep and Dean finally let out his sobs that he'd been holding back.

"Don't leave me, Sam. I'd do anything to keep you here. Even.. _This._. if that means you'll stay with me." Dean struggled out into the dark room. He hoped Sam wouldn't leave after what they just did. _He wouldn't do that to me._

"My Sammy." He mumbled as he fell asleep, and Dean held on to that thought. There'd be no way Sam could hurt him that way. His Sammy was perfect in every way. It didn't matter how difficult he could be because Dean was difficult too. They were great together and Sam had to know that. Dean wasn't one for praying but he was sure he did it more than once that night, and that time he prayed that he would wake up next to him, that everything would be okay.

He dreamt of Sam and his innocent eyes, his hands on his body and lips on his. Sammy was his in every way and it caused a sick sort of happiness that he never knew he could feel. It was wrong and they'd surely have a special place in hell, but Dean couldn't bring himself to care. Not anymore, anyway.

The sunlight shining through the dusty old window caused him to stir awake. It took him a long moment before his vision cleared, the first thing he saw was an empty bed. He was alone. Panic filled him as he shot up and looked across the room. Beer bottles and his clothes from the night before confirmed what they had done. The empty bed proved his hopes futile.

"Damn it." Dean cursed as he struggled to put on a clean pair of boxers. Sammy, you couldn't have.. He shook his head as he opened the door and peaked out in the hallway. The house was quiet despite the low volume on the living room TV. He took in a deep breath before walking to Sam's room, his fists clenched tightly as all he could see was an empty space. _This has to be a mistake._

He ran to the little kitchen and then to the living room where he could only see his father sitting on the couch with his face in his hands. The man that made them live that life, the one that fucked them up so bad it caused them to cross that unspeakable line. If it wasn't for his desire for revenge, they could have lived a normal life and they wouldn't have had to-

"Fuck!" Dean cursed as he took his frustrations out on the wall next to him. He couldn't believe he was actually blaming his father for what he did. _Excuses._

"Dean? Dean!" His father's arms wrapped around him and pulled him down to the floor, holding him close to his chest, telling him that it'll be okay. That they'll be okay. John had assumed Dean was upset about Sam leaving, but he didn't know the half of it, a fact that made another sob tear through his being.

When John made his son look up at him, Dean could only guess how pathetic he looked with his tear stained cheeks and hickys down his neck.. a truly pathetic lump of flesh and he hated himself for it, especially when John's eyes trailed down his neck, counting every single mark before falling flat on his bottom with his hand on his mouth, eyes wide.

_He knows._

True terror flashed over Dean's features as he waited for his father to lash out at him for his revolting actions. _It's my fault Sam is gone. Dad has every right to take this out on me_ , he thought as he shut his eyes tight in preparation for what he imagined was going to be a heavy blow. Instead, John helped him to his feet, his expression unreadable and that probably scared Dean more.

"Go and wash up.. we'll be leaving in two hours. Found another lead on the demon west from here." John said gruffly as he walked back to his halfway packed duffel bag. The thought of leaving made a weird sort of panic take over him, his hands shaking at the image of Sammy coming back and not being able to find them.

"But what if Sam comes back-"

"He won't." John Winchester bit back harshly, not sparing a glance at his son as he zipped the bag closed, "Now go wash up, son." He added in a softer tone, but Dean could see the stress in his eyes and he knew all too well that it was his fault. _I'm sorry, dad.._

Dean made his way to the little bathroom at a slow pace. Nothing felt right anymore. His muscles were tense and he couldn't stop thinking vile thoughts about his baby brother, specifically the ones where he was underneath Dean, coming for him.

His stupid curiosity was what got them there, something he was sure of. It was what made him cross that line, what made him fall for his Sammy. He sort of understood what Sam had been feeling for all those years, but instead of sickness, Dean felt pure rage.

He had been right there the whole time. At any point Sam could have confessed his feelings for him and Dean would have given everything to him right then and there. But he didn't. He chose to live with the pain and the sickness.

And as Dean looked up at his reflection, he knew he'd be the one living with the pain and the anger of giving it all away for it all to be cast aside. Even as the glass of the mirror shattered around his knuckles, he knew the pain would still be there-still be present in the forefront of his mind-

Until the day he saw his Sammy again that is. Maybe even a little after.


	3. Fair

The first week of university was literal hell for Sam Winchester. Those marks his brother left on him were still fresh and his housemates joked about how hot the girl must've been that he left behind. It stung because it wasn't some girl. It was his favorite person, his big brother. He couldn't tell them that of course, so he laughed along with them like the memory didn't sting.

He felt alone. He didn't think it'd get any better until he finally saw her. Jessica Moore. She'd been in his class that whole week but he didn't truly see her until she was assigned to be his partner for a debate. She was beautiful, no doubt about that, but it was her kindness that drew him in, her caring smile that made him latch onto her selfishly.

Jessica took him in with no complaint. She had no idea that she started off as just a distraction from Sam's reality. He hated himself for it but not enough to stop, not even when she kissed him for the first time. It had been at a party and they were just talking; she was looking up at him and her eyes were looking so deep into his but he had no idea. He wasn't used to attention like that.

When her arms wrapped around his shoulders and pull him downward he didn't know what to make of it until their lips finally met. Hers were so smooth and so soft, so different from Dean's. He tried his best to block his brother out as he kissed Jessica back with just as much tenderness as she had given.

"I'm sorry if that was too much." She said as she pulled away. Her cheeks were flushed from the kiss and only got worse when Sam placed his large hands against them. He knew deep down it was wrong using her like that but she made him feel safe and wanted, something he so desperately needed.

"Don't apologize. I liked it." It wasn't a lie by any means. The kiss itself had been a great one, even if it wasn't what he truly wanted. She had no clue though as she beamed up at him, so happy to know that he felt the same way for her. He hadn't realized this at first but she had been attracted to him the moment she saw him. It made him feel good knowing that even at his worse she still wanted him.

It made him keep her close until the feelings became real. He hadn't forgotten about Dean in any capacity, but he did learn to love Jessica. She kept him sane and that was all he really needed. His mind was clear for the most part, safe from his sin as long as she was near.

Not even that was enough in the dead of night when they laid in bed, however. He was supposed to be sound asleep-instead the memories would break through all of his barriers and he'd try his best to block it all out, push it away, but sometimes he just.. couldn't.

Sometimes he'd even _let_ himself remember, and it would all come rushing back all at once. The feeling of Dean's lips against his, and then wrapped around his length-It would leave him whimpering into his pillow as he shamefully humped into his hand, hoping to God Jessica wouldn't wake and see what a mess the person she loved truly was.

That only happened every so often, on days he had been feeling particularly weak. He told himself that despite those momentary slip ups, he was getting better. He could be with Jessica and even marry her, and start their own family. They'd be happy.

It was something he kept telling himself as he toyed with the little box in his hand. After his law school interview he was going to take her out, get down on one knee and ask her be his. It felt like the right thing to do, and he knew she felt the same way with the way she would joke about them growing old together. She loved him so much, it had to be the right thing.

She didn't know everything about him, however. All she knew was that he was a guy from a broken home, and that was all he cared for her to know. Things didn't have to be scary with Jessica. They could live a normal life, even with the dreams he'd been having about her.

He'd see her pinned against the ceiling with fire erupting from her bleeding corpse-God they were terrible, but he knew they were nothing more than his old life still haunting him. Over time he'd get over it.

Just like how over time he'd truly get over Dean. He would forget about the way his hot breath felt over his naked body, the way his kiss felt against his lips, _so sensual_ -He'd forget about it all, and only know the soft touches of Jessica.

He forced his mind to clear as he shut his eyes, hoping to God he wouldn't have that same dream as the night before. He was beginning to let sleep creep up on him until a noise from his living room caused him to sit up straight in his bed. Such a noise wouldn't startle a normal person, but Sam Winchester wasn't normal. He was trained to be cautious and alert, so when even more subtle noises came from his living room, he had to get up and investigate.

He stood in his door way for a few seconds before a shadow-like figure walked passed the entry way of the living area. Sam moved fast as he made his way through the dark apartment and looked in just about every direction, but was winded by the figure-it tackled him and forced him to the ground. Sam fought back against the hold until he finally looked up, and through the moonlight coming through the curtains, he could see that the figure holding him down was the one person he thought he would never see again.

~.~ 

When Sam left him that night, Dean lost a part of himself. He gave the most intimate part of himself to his baby brother but it wasn't enough to keep him there. It left him feeling a little cold and detached from the world, even if he tried to hide it.

He knew their father noticed the slight change, but wouldn't dare bring it up. John didn't want to hear about the night they shared and Dean knew it, so he never opened up, not to anyone. _It's better that way_ , he would tell himself. He sat through the pain and buried it down deep, because as a hunter you don't have the time to let yourself feel things.

That mindset worked on the job and when he was around his dad-mostly. But sometimes John went out on his own to search for the demon who killed his wife, their mother. Dean would be left alone, sort of like when he was just a kid, but he didn't have Sam to take care of anymore, so that made it completely different for Dean.

He'd find a case and take his frustrations out on whatever supernatural being came his way. And then he'd either be alone in a motel room or in the Impala that his father left him. One particular night it had been real bad-he'd been drinking, making every barrier he had in his mind come down, and he let himself think about it.

He let himself think about the way his little brother moaned his name, the way he would let Dean touch his body, so smooth but toned, so responsive for him. And above all else the way it felt to be inside of him.. so warm, tight and _wrong_. Sam was sick and enjoyed every second of it, and Dean later came to the conclusion that it wasn't all just Sammy.

To the very first moment he heard Sam moaning his name, he sat there and listened to every shutter of breath, and thought about the look on his baby brother's face as he came for him. He told himself it was just to understand what was happening, but he knew the heat pooling in his abdomen meant something different, even if his body didn't have an outward reaction.

And of course, the way he toyed with Sammy's feelings with that stupid little game they played. Dean later realized that those nights only caused his baby brother more pain, and that he was acting selfishly. Dean was sick too and it wasn't his baby brother's fault.

What was Sam's fault, however, was leaving.

He blocked that out though and focused on only his Sammy and the way he held onto him that night. His drunken state didn't want to ruin that image. Only in the morning would he let himself remember how it felt to be alone the day after giving himself to his Sammy. But it wasn't morning yet, and so he let himself work at his cock at the bitter sweet memory.

The next day he couldn't bring himself to think about that all that because he was greeted with a new worry: His dad had been gone way longer than he was supposed to be. He spent two days searching for John on his own, but he knew deep down he couldn't do that. He needed the one person he swore he never wanted to see again. On the way over to Sam's apartment he made sure to bury every feeling he had for his baby brother. It was like a switch he could turn off whenever he had to, especially in situations where he refused to look weak. With his sensitive side tucked away, he let his smug persona take over.

"Woah. Easy, tiger." Dean said tauntingly, a smirk playing at his lips. He had Sam pinned to the ground with his hand wrapped around his throat. The sick part of him had to admit that he liked seeing Sam like that. Pinned against him with that helpless look in those dark, nearly hazel eyes-

"Dean?" Sam gasped in surprise. The noise made Dean chuckle. "You scared the crap out of me." He whisper-shouted up at his older brother.

"That's cause you're out of practice." Those words, for whatever reason, pissed Sam off. It almost felt like a challenge. Sammy took back control and flipped Dean over, pinning him hard against the floor. The older of the two laughed in pure surprise, impressed that his Sammy remembered their training. "Or not."

Being in that position made him notice just how big his Sammy had gotten since he last saw him. So tall and broad, and still growing. He still had that innocent look in eyes though, and that made Dean wanna pull Sammy down by his shirt and plant a kiss on-

"Get off me." Dean huffed, those thoughts working to take down every single one of his barriers. It was difficult keeping them up with Sam right there in front of him-or on top of him. It felt like he could breath again when Sam finally released his hold on him. He accepted his little brother's help though as he made his way back to his feet. Sam couldn't believe Dean was standing right there in front of him. For a moment he forgot where they were, like Jessica wasn't asleep just down the hall. The only thing he could concentrate on was Dean and how damn beautiful he looked against the moonlight-

The living room light brought them back down to reality and then to the doorway where Jessica stood with confusion etched onto her features. "Jess," Sam let out in a heavy breath, her presence grounding him, reminding him of what made sense. He lowered his gaze back to his brother, who was too busy eyeing his girl like the asshole he was trying to be.

"Dean, this is my girlfriend, Jessica." He did his best to ignore the stupid smirk his older brother had on his face as he introduced her. Jessica's confused look turned into one of understanding, acknowledging him as Sam's brother. At least he told her about him, Dean thought, though he was knew he wouldn't dare tell her everything. Instead of focusing on that little detail, he chose to keep up with his nonchalant act, his mischievous eyes landing right on the dip in the collar of her shirt.

"I love the Smurfs." Dean said as he eyed the split right between the two blue cartoons. She was hot, but even he knew he wouldn't actually hurt Sam that way. Still, it didn't stop him from talking about how she was way out of Sammy's league. He liked seeing the slight twinge of annoyance in his baby brother's face, especially when he kept going, and didn't stop until she gave an uncomfortable stare to Sam. He decided then that he was done playing around anyway, 'cause this was a serious matter after all.

"Anyway. I gotta borrow your boyfriend here, talk about some private family business, but nice meeting you." He made sure to put emphasis on the last part, giving her a sly smirk right before he looked up at his baby brother, who in return looked annoyed beyond words. Dean wanted nothing more than to piss him off even more, to see just how many faces he could make his Sammy make, but he reminded himself that it wasn't the time.

"No." Sam's voice was defiant. He was tired of being told how to do things. Things were gonna be different than before, and Sam was gonna make sure of it. He made his way over to Jessica and wrapped his arm around her waist, not even noticing the look in Dean's face, the cold stare at the sight.

Dean knew that as a big brother he was supposed to be happy for him, happy that he was able to find love, and to be happy. But he couldn't bring himself to even fake it. It didn't feel right-seeing him told her like that, seeing him so far away, so _distant_.

"No. Whatever you wanna say, you can say it in front of her." He felt brave saying those words, after all the years of being told to be nothing more than a mindless hunter. He could finally say and do whatever he wanted. Nothing Dean could say would change that, even when he pointed out their dad hadn't been home in days, which was nothing new.

"So he's working overtime on a _"miller time"_ shift. He'll stumble back in sooner or later." Sam said like a little jerk. Dean took in a breath as he shook his head, trying his best to keep his cool. Though there were many things he could snap on his brother about, he kept the task at hand at the forefront of his mind, and chose to explain things in a different way. In a way only a hunter could understand.

"Dad's on a hunting trip." Dean clarified. "He hasn't been home in a few days." He repeated, his voice tight. He could see from across the room how stiff Sammy got from that one sentence. He knew then that he understood completely, his eyes never leaving Dean's as he finally asked Jess to leave the room.

~.~ 

They bickered down the stairs, arguing about their childhood and Sam's reluctance to help find their father. Famously skirting past their biggest problem: each other. Especially when the words were at the tip of Dean's tongue, when Sam tells him he's more than capable of doing it on his own. Dean's heart was in his throat as he looked down into the open trunk, daring only one second to look up at Sam, to say the only thing close enough to the truth.

"Well.. I don't want to." _I need you with me_ , he thought pathetically, and prayed that Sam understood. And he did-overwhelmingly so. He agreed to go with him, and promised Jess that he'd be back the next day for the interview, despite everything in him telling him that it was a horrible idea, despite the dreams that haunt him in the back of his mind. Sam sat beside Dean in the Impala and they drove in all consuming awkward silence, his older brother's presence burning into his left side.

Being next to him was a mistake. Sam knew this. He spent the last few years trying to forget about him, form a healthier type of love. Despite all of those factors, he knew that deep down, he would have said yes anyway, that those _no's_ meant absolutely nothing.

Regardless, Sam also knew that he would go back home to Jessica. He loved her and she loved him, a healthy kind of love that he knew Dean deserved. So, Sam told himself that no matter what, he couldn't give into his wants. He wondered vaguely if Dean was having the same thought process as he white knuckled the steering wheel, but Sam settled with the assumption that his own presence made Dean uncomfortable. The younger brother finally tore his eyes away, deciding that he couldn't handle the thought of Dean being disgusted by him. He forced those thoughts away and shut his eyes, letting sleep take over, and he was greeted by the familiar heat and flames of his recurring nightmare.

Dean knew that it was a mistake, too. He realized this all too well as he kept his eyes on the road, despite everything in him wanting to stop the car and tell Sam exactly how it felt to wake up alone that morning, and how selfish he was for that, but he chose not to. It didn't feel right doing that, because no matter how much he blamed him, Sam was still his baby brother. And despite all of the angst, Sammy still meant everything to him.

Dean turned the radio down and let his Sammy rest, and let even himself spare small glances at his sleeping face. A tornado of emotions flew through him and it just wasn't _fair_. It wasn't fair that their life turned into that.

Wasn't fair that he had to fall in love with his own brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be a three chapter story but I realized there's just too much smut and angst to fit into that small amount. So there may be four.. or there may be more. We shall see. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter anyway, even though it's mostly angst.


	4. One Of Us

Sam forced his eyes open, the nightmare still fresh and ingrained in his memory. It paired with the bright sun and made him groan, his body stiff and uncomfortable. He pushed the passenger door open and swung his legs around, just taking in the surroundings. They were by an old gas station and in his peripheral he could see Dean pumping gas.

"Breakfast?" Dean asked him as he plopped the snacks onto the trunk. Food was the very last thing on Sam's mind, however. He wasn't able to keep food down in the morning, not after that dream. He'd have to wait until later. He declined Dean's offer and proceeded to scold his older brother for the credit card fraud. He was only half-joking though and that little fact made Dean smile.

It got more annoying though when Sam commented on his music taste and the fact that he was still using cassette tapes. But only slightly. There was still that playful edge in Sam's voice, even if it was a little strained. Dean only grinned as he grabbed a tape and put it in, blasting the music at full volume, much to Sammy's dismay.

It almost felt normal, being with him like that. Like how brothers were supposed to be, Dean supposed. But he knew the need to run his fingers through Sammy's long hair is what made any hope for them to be normal slim to none. He wanted so much more than normal and it still wasn't fair. He could easily intertwine his fingers with his little brother's if things didn't work out the way they did. They were both too guarded to give in that quickly, anyway. 

Sam was in love with his girl. He moved on and Dean tried his best to tell himself that it was for the best. It had to be. What they had.. it was toxic. Dean knew his little brother deserved better, deserved to be happy. It still didn't stop the burning bitterness in the pit of his stomach, but he tried his best to ignore it. They had a job to do and it just wasn't the time to dwell on that stuff.

Sam stared out the window and tried his best to ignore each glance he'd get from his older brother. It made him nervous. Like one wrong move would set off their impending argument, their Big Discussion. The thought left the biggest lump in his throat, made his hands shake-but only slightly. He wasn't going to let Dean see these little signs of weakness. And so, he just stared quietly out of the window and almost didn't notice when Dean stopped the car.

Police cars were lined up in front of an old bridge, blocking both sides. Dean nodded to himself as he leaned over Sam to get to the glove compartment, just so he could pull out a small box. Sam watched as his older brother looked through the fake badges and ID's with an open mouth. He couldn't believe he was actually doing this shit again. Dean didn't look phased however as he finally came across the badges he needed. He gave Sammy a grin, his little brother's face just too priceless. Dean got out of the car first, Sam heaving out a sigh before finally following behind.

"Spotless. Almost too clean." A cop said as he looked through an abandoned car. It had to be the victim's, no doubt about it. As the cop talked back and fourth with another the brothers made their way over to them. Dean spoke first, Sam just watching.

"You fellas had another one like this last month, didn't you?" The cop stood up straight at the sound of Dean's voice, his eyes narrowing as he stared down at the two young men in front of him, "And who are you?" The uniformed man asked.

"Federal marshals." Dean answered swiftly, raising his badge for the officers to see. The one standing in front of them eyed the boys up and down, suspicion etched in his brows. Dean didn't waver and Sam didn't understand why. It always felt wrong to him to impersonate people like that. He hoped in that moment it didn't show as the cop proceeded to point out how young they looked.

"Thanks, that's awfully kind of you." The oldest Winchester said through a dry laugh. "You did have another one just like this, correct?" He asked again, stirring the conversation back to where it needed to be. The very kind cop confirmed that they did have something like that happen just a mile up the road from where they were standing, and that there were others before that.

"So this victim-you knew him?" The officer nodded in response to Sam's question, his face grim. Dean circled around the car as his little brother spoke to the cop, trying his best to connect all the dots he could. He needed more information.

"Any connection between the victims, besides that they're all men?" Dean inquired, and of course the cop said no. "So, what's the theory?" Sam gave as he looked around the vehicle himself.

"Honestly? We don't know. Serial murderer, kidnapping ring-"

"Well, that is exactly the kind of crack police work I'd expect out of you guys." Dean cut him off with his own snide comment that he hadn't exactly been trying to hold back. Sammy stepped on his foot in response. He couldn't believe what a jerk his brother could be. He forced a smile at the cop who he knew was just trying his best. "Thank you for your time." Sam said before walking away. He could feel Dean behind him and it made his skin burn. It turned into pure irritation when he smacked the back of his head.

"What was that for?!"

"Why did you have to step on my foot?"

" _Why_ do _you_ have to talk to police like that?"

They bickered back and forth about the case and their dad and barely even noticed the three figures standing behind them, staring at them like they had no business being there. They let the sheriff know that they were leaving and walked on. They could just about feel his stare on their back as they finally made it back to the Impala.

Despite that awkward interaction, they continued with the investigation. The brothers took their search into the town and found a girl putting up missing persons flyers. Dean had overheard the cops talking about how the recent victim's girlfriend had been doing just that, and for the moment it was their only lead.

She gave them what she knew, that she'd been on the phone with the victim but he hung up and never called her back. Sam remembered to show sympathy but still get his questions across. The girl couldn't remember anything strange coming from her late boyfriend, but Dean was adamant. The girl's friend chimed in finally and brought up the rumors. "With all these guys going missing.. people talk."

"What do they talk about?" The brothers said in perfect unison. That wasn't something they did on purpose, but Dean remembered that they used to do that a lot growing up. Again, he pushed all that to the side so he could fully understand what the gothic girl was saying.

"It's kind of this local legend. This one girl, she got murdered out on Centennial like decades ago." Dean looked at Sam as she spoke, ideas already popping in his head as to what it could be, "Well, supposedly, she's still out there. She hitchikes, and whoever picks her up.. they disappear forever."

That was all they needed from them. The brothers thanked them for their time and then took their invesitagtion the library, where Dean searched the web for any female murder hitchhiking stories in the area. When that didn't work, he searched for female murder on Centennial Highway. Zero results stared back at them from the small screen.

"Let me try." Sam reached for the keyboard but Dean smacked his hand out of the way. "I got it." The older brother said in his new condescending way. Sammy gave him a look of disbelief before forceably pushing his chair out of the way. "You're such a control freak." Dean mumbled as he watched Sam. He was pretty irrtiable. Being around his little brother left him on edge. He was almost starting to regret getting him, but not really. There was still that part of him that was happy to be beside him again, even if he tried to push those feelings away.

"Angry spirits are born out of violent death, right?" Dean gave a deadpanned _yeah_ in response. "Maybe it's not murder." Sam quickly changed the keyword _murder_ to _suicide._ And before they knew it they were faced with just one result-the exact one they needed. Dean couldn't deny that he was impressed with his Sammy for coming up with that. He'd never say it outloud though.

"This was in 1981. Constance Welch, 24 years old, jumps off Slycania Bridge, drowns in river." Sam read the obituary out loud, searching for something more. Any normal person would be saddened reading that, but he was used to stuff like that and so was Dean. "Does it say why she did it?" Dean asked as he tried to read over Sammy's shoulder.

"Yeah.. An hour before they found her, she calls 911. Her two little kids are in the bathtub. She leaves them alone for a minute, and when she comes back, they aren't breathing. Both die." And in a second the hard shell around Sam cracked slightly. He always was softer than his brother and father. He hoped Dean didn't notice.

>

" _'Our babies were gone and Constance just couldn't bear it,'_ said husband, Joseph Welch.." Sam read as he scrolled down, the last picture of a bridge. The very same bridge they were on that morning. By the time they got there there it was late, the bridge seemed a lot higher in the dead of night. But it was the perfect time for an vengeful spirit to pop up, they guessed.

"So this is where Constance did the swan dive.." Dean said like a douche. Sam sighed and looked around, "So you think dad would have been here?" Sammy asked, a slight attitude etched in his voice. Dean's presence prickled at his skin and left him on edge. He wished Jessica was there beside him to keep him steady. But that would also mean having to tell her everything and he wasn't exactly ready to do that. Would _never_ be ready to do that.

"Well, he's chasing the same story, and we're chasing him." Dean breathed as he walked away and studied the area. There was a heavy fog and it made him just a little uneasy. "Okay, so now what?" Sam's voice was so impatient, like he was just so ready to leave Dean behind once again. "Now we keep digging 'till we find him. It might take a while."

"Dean, I told you I've got to get back by-"

"Monday. Right. The interview." The oldest winchester sighed as he remembered. "You're really serious about this, aren't you? You think you're just gonna become some lawyer, marry your girl?" The thought started something inside Dean, something less than anger but well above annoyance.

"Maybe. Why not?" Sam thought back to the ring sitting safely in his duffel. That was exacltly his plan. He watched as Dean gave a dry laugh. "Does Jessica know the truth about you? Does she know about the things you've done?" _Does she know that you let your brother fuck you?_ Sam knew that couldn't have been what Dean meant, that he was talking about hunting, but it still made him shudder to think about Jess knowing. Either one would make her bolt.

"No, and she's not ever going to know." Sam was dead serious. Dean could see it in his eyes. He looked older in that single moment and Dean didn't know how to take it. "Well, that's healthy." He settled for sarcasm at first, but soon turned just as serious as his baby brother was.

"You can pretend all you want, Sammy, but sooner or later you're gonna have to face up to who you really are." He shrugged as he turned away. He could feel Sam behind him, his annoyance adding to his own. "And who is that?" Sam asked, his voice tight.

"One of us." Dean's answer was short and simple. Sammy didn't like that.

"No." He said defiantly, "I am not like you. This is _not _going to be my life." He made sure he finished his sentence standing directly in front of his older brother. Though he stood taller than Dean, he didn't seem phased. "Well, you have a responsibility-"__

____

"To dad and his crusade? If it weren't for pictures, I wouldn't even know what mom looked like. What difference would it make?" Dean was dangerously close to becoming pissed but for whatever reason he let Sam continue, "Even if we do find the thing that killed her, mom's gone. And she isn't coming back."

__

That was it. That was all Dean could take. He gripped at Sam's jacket and pushed him up against the railings. He was pissed that Sam could just talk about her like that without a care. He wanted to hit him, put him in his place-but there was a part of him, the part that loved him in more ways than one, that made him keep his fists down.

__

Sam's heart pounded in his chest. He knew he went too far as soon as the words came out of his mouth. He waited for the punch, or the slap, or whatever Dean was gonna give him. But there was nothing at first, just Dean looking up at him with angry, hesitant eyes. Sammy was reminded in an instant why they shouldn't be standing so close. Despite Dean being angry with him, it made old feelings creep up and that was dangerous.

__

"Don't talk about her like that." Dean's voice was softer than he meant it to be. His anger dissapated and was replaced by something else, something that made him want to to hold his Sammy. That one thought was his cue to finally let go of Sam and back up. The youngest Winchester rubbed at his mouth, ashamed. All he wanted to do was apologize but he didn't get the chance, because Dean called out his name.

__

When he looked up, the first thing he saw was a woman in a long white gown, standing up on the edge of the railing. She gave them one look before finally jumping off. The brothers ran to the spot where she fell but there was nothing, no evidence of a body dropping. They had no idea where she went but they definitely didn't expect to here the Impala start from behind them.

__

"Who's driving your car?" Dean showed him his keys, a hint that no one really should be able to do that. Despite that little detail, the tires squealed and came after them both at full speed. They could barely think, they could only run, their only escape over the bridge.

__

Sam clung to the side of it, his eyes scanning frantically for his brother. An audible sigh of relief came from him once he saw Dean crawl out of the water and onto land. "Are you alright?" Sam had to ask just in case. The oldest Winchester rolled over so he could look up at him, his body covered in mud, "Super."

__

Sammy couldn't help but laugh.

__

....

__

Once they arrived to the closest motel, they discovered that their father had stayed there as well, and for the whole month. It felt like they were one step closer to finding him. And then it felt like two steps closer as they broke into his room. Papers were all over the walls, a map of his case, their case. Dean looked around the room and noticed just about every form of protection scattered across the room. Dad was always a precautious one. Dean hoped that helped and he was out in the world, safe. Or as safe as their life granted, anyway.

__

"Dad figured it out." The answer was staring Sam right in the face. Literally. "He found the same article we did." Sammy explained when Dean asked what he meant, "Constance Welch. She's a Woman in White." 

__

It was then it all came together for the oldest brother. "You sly dogs." He joked as he looked over the wall with all of the victim's pictures. "All right, so if we're dealing with a Woman in White, dad would have found the corpse and destroyed it." Dean sounded so sure but Sam wasn't convinced. 

__

"She might have another weakness." It wasn't that Sam thought his father didn't burn the body. The fact of the matter was that Constance was still out there claiming victims, so obviously her spirit was tied to something else. 

__

"No, dad would want to make sure. He'd dig her up. Does it say where she's buried?" Of course, Dean wouldn't have it, their father could never make even a single mistake. Sam sighed and held that thought in, they already were on shaky ground.

__

"No, not that I can tell. If I were dad, though, I'd go ask her husband-if he's still alive." Dean hummed in response to Sam, the main thing on his mind after learning all that was a long shower. He could kinda feel his little brother's eyes on him as he walked away and almost dreaded having to look back when he called his name.

__

The look on his face caused his heart to skip a beat. He looked just like he did before, young and a little timid. Dean felt the urge once again to wrap him in his arms but he stayed put and waited for Sam to finally speak.

__

"What I said earlier about mom and dad.. I'm sorry. I crossed the line. I'll try not to do it again." He even sounded like he used to. Hazel eyes looked down at him through long lashes, his arms stiff by his sides. The only thing that truly stopped Dean from pulling him into a tight embrace was the fact he smelled like a sewer. He was thankful for that fact for the moment.

__

"That's..look. No chick-flick moments, alright? It's okay."

__

Sam scoffed. "Alright.. _Jerk._ " 

__

" _Bitch._ " Dean's smile was contagious. 

__

Sam watched as he walked a way, the prickling sensations he'd been feeling that whole time were finally gone for the moment. He stepped back and took in a deep breath. So far being next to his brother again wasn't too bad. Dean was more of a dick than he remembered but that was to be expected with what happened between them. It wasn't like he expected Dean to take him into his arms and forgive him. It wasn't like he wanted Dean to kiss him and say he missed-No. He wanted so badly to shake those thoughts away, but it was too late.. his body was already responding.

__

Dean was struggling, too. He washed the dirt and grime from his body and also tried his best to scrub way those annoying little urges to take Sammy in his arms and kiss him deeply. He knew all too well how wrong it was to feel that way, but he sorta came to terms with it, though it's not as easy without liquor. It was even harder to ignore with Sammy in the next room. Knowing that he was so close, that if he took the chance and gave in.. _shit._ Dean felt the familiar coils of heat rush to his groin.

__

Sam laid flat against the mattress, his cock fully hard and nearly suffocated by his jeans. He tried his best to fight it, he really did, but flashes of that night consumed him like a wild fire. He could hear the shower running and knew Dean would be in there for awhile so he gave in, despite it being the worse possible time and place. His mind was too far gone to care as he released his length, his thumb smoothing over the leaking slit.

__

Dean pictured Sam pushed up against the shower wall, his long legs wrapped around his big brother's waist as he fucked into him. _"My Sammy.."_ Dean breathed as his hand worked down his thick cock, his eyes shut as he imagined his baby brother making his sweet sounds in his ear. And then suddenly a new image popped up, something he never truly thought he'd like: Sam towered over him from behind him, licking at the shell of his ear as he thrusted inside of Dean's virgin ass. The change was strange but telling from the way a choked out groan spilled from his throat, he enjoyed it regardless, maybe a little too much. He knew he wouldn't last long once his hips started to move at their own rhythm. Soon enough his orgasm hit him like a tidal wave, his come shooting out and hitting the shower wall. 

__

Sam swam in the pleasure, biting his lip to surpress any noise. The memory of Dean on top of him with his hands in his hair left him breathless. He wanted so badly to fuck himself with his fingers but he knew there'd be no time, so he just settled for the memory, that was good enough. Espescially since Dean was right there in the next room. It made it easier to imagine him walking out butt naked, cock hard and ready to take him, marking him and claiming him as his. _"You're mine, Sammy."_ He apolozied just about a million times to Jess in his head as he shamfully came into his hand. 

__

.....

__

Sam could still hear the shower running after he cleaned himself off. He sat at the corner of the bed and scanned the room, looking over all of the clues and connections his dad found. His eyes stopped once he saw an old picture in the mirror. He stood up and brought it in his hands, a deep feeling of shame and longing taking over him once he realized what it was.

__

A younger John Winchester holding his sons, looking seemingly happy. Sam looked about four and Dean had to be near eight. His eyes went back to his father, an ache in his chest that he never thought he would feel again. For the first time since he was just a kid, he actually felt worried for his dad. It brought him back to when he was ten and a half, when he wasn't old enough to go on hunts, but old enough to take care of himself. He'd have to watch Dean and his dad leave and sometimes they'd be gone for nearly a week. He'd be scared, anxious that they'd never come home, or that only one of them would. 

__

That was exactly how he felt then, in that motel room with his dad's belongings all around him. It brought on a sudden realization: that was exactly what he was doing to Jess. He hadn't touched his phone the whole day, what if she had called? He pulled his phone out of his duffel and sat at the end of the bed, his heart dropping to his stomach when he realized she did try to call. At least twice, even left a voicemail. She was out there waiting for him and there he was, freshly jacked off at the thought of his own brother. 

__

He hated himself all over again. Like he did when he spent all those years pining over Dean, when he finally had him and threw it all away, and right in that exact moment when he felt himself slipping back into that dark place, the place where his brother took over his senses and there'd be no room for anything else. He took in a deep breath and let it out slow, his fingers running through his messy hair. He couldn't let himself get back into that place, no matter how much he still loved Dean, no matter how much it physically hurt to not be touching him. 

__

All that mattered was Jessica. That sweet little thing still in California, waiting on him, expecting him back. He plays the voicemail, listens to her voice, _"hey, it's me. It's about 10:20.."_ Dean walks out of the bathroom right then, pulling his jacket over his shoulders. 

__

"I'm headed to the diner across the street. Want anything?" Sam just shakes his head at his brother's offer, trying his best to listen to Jessica's every word. He shrugged and made his way outside. Sam brought his attention fully back to the phone, _"...So come home soon, okay? I love you."_

__

Just as the voicemail ended, his phone rang. "What?" He didn't mean to sound annoyed, but he was just so irritated at himself that there was no way he could hide it.

"Dude, five-o. Take off." Everything Sam was feeling in that moment vanished. He stood up quick, "What about you?" He heard a small, dry laugh come from the other line, "Uh, they kind of spotted me. Go find dad." And that was the last thing Sam heard before the call dropped.

__

....

__


	5. Unfaithful

Dean could feel his stupid jealously spark up as he tried to leave their dad's motel room. Sam was barely paying attention to him, too busy listening to his phone, to his girlfriend's voice no doubt. He missed those days when Sam would praise him for just about everything, like he was the best big brother ever. His eyes would light up at the sight of him and it made Dean so happy.

Things changed, obviously.

He felt stupid for doing what he did in the shower, for those dirty thoughts, for the image of Sammy taking him in the most intimate way. No matter how their case went, Sammy was gonna go back to her, and leave him behind once again. His brooding thoughts however come to a screeching halt once he saw the owner of the motel talking to cops, then pointing at him. _Well, shit._

He pulled out his cell quickly, Sam's number on speed dial, "What?" The irritation was evident in his voice, Dean tried not to notice how much that stung, "Dude, five-o. Take off." He could hear some shuffling, panic in his baby brother's voice as he asked what he was gonna do. 

"uh.." The laugh was short and dry, "They kind of spotted me. Go find dad." He hung up and faced those in uniform. "Problem, officers?" He asked as he studied them, one of them had his hands already on his cuffs and gun.

"Where's your partner?" The deputy from earlier asked. Dean decided to play clueless and act like he didn't know what he was talking about. He sent his own partner out to check the room, Dean hoped Sam made it out. His Sammy was smart, he'd find a way.

"So.. Fake US Marshals, fake credit cards.. You got anything that's real?"

"My boobs." Dean couldn't resist, his smile cocky. And before he knew it he was pushed up against the cop car with his hands behind his back. _Could at least buy me dinner first.._ He decided it was best to not say that out loud as they read him his Miranda rights.

~*~ 

"You wanna give us your real name?" The sheriff asked as he carried a box into the interrogation room. Dean kept the same face, the same smirk. "I told you. It's Nugent, Ted Nugent." The blank stare he got from him was almost priceless.

"I'm not sure you realize just how much trouble you're in here."

"We talking like.. misdemeanor kind of trouble, or, 'squeal like a pig' trouble?" Dean asked mockingly. Sheriff Pierce's face was still straight, not amused in the slightest, and also not phased.

"You got the faces of ten missing people taped on your wall, along with a whole lot of Satanic mumbo jumbo. Boy, you are officially a suspect." He said it like he meant it. Dean could only sigh, sometimes it was hard dealing with people who didn't know the truth of their world. He wasn't as patient as Sammy. He just shook his head.

"That makes sense, 'cause when the first one went missing in '82, I was three." Dean's tone was bored. He had stuff to do. A case to solve and a dad to find. He was starting to get impatient, especially when he started spouting off about his 'older partner', their dad.

"So tell me, _Dean,_ " His impatience turned into pure shock in about two seconds, "..this his?" The sheriff dropped a book in front of Dean, and not just any book.. His dad's journal. He kept his face blank but everything in him wanted to snatch it from the table and run.

"I thought that might be your name." The older man said as he sat at the corner of the table, his fingers flipping through the pages, "See, I leafed through this. What little I could make out. I mean, it's nine types of crazy." Dean leaned in and watched, his eyes transfixed onto the pages. Old photographs, drawings, journal entries.. Sheriff Pierce was only interested in one thing though, a single page with Dean's name and a few numbers, circled off, a message specifically for Dean Winchester.

"Now, you're staying right here 'till you tell me _exactly_ what the hell this means." Dean didn't say a word, just kept his eyes on the page. There was no doubt in his mind he'd figure out the code.. there was just no way in hell he was gonna tell the sheriff anything.

He hoped that wherever his Sammy was, he was getting farther than he was.

~*~ 

Sammy took in a deep breath before knocking on the door in front of him, made sure his smile was nice, genuine, but more or less, _fake._ He would rather be bailing Dean out of jail and be near him again, because for whatever reason being without that burning, prickling sensation he'd get whenever Dean was around was way worse than having it. At least then he would know Dean was safe, that if he were to _let_ himself he could probably comb his fingers through his short hair, look into those green eyes and-The door finally opened and so did his mouth, his voice not his own.

"Hi! Are you Joseph Welch?"

"Yeah." The man before him looked older than he should, looked tired and defeated, but a smile was still there, no matter how small. They walked around the junk yard, Sam showed him the photo he found, asked him if he saw him, "Yeah. He was older, but that's him. He came by three or four days ago, said he was a reporter."

"That's right. We're working on a story together." Joseph looked up at him, his eyebrows furrowed. "Well, I don't know what the hell kinda story you're working on-the questions he asked me.." He trailed off like it was still hard for him to talk about, which was to be expected. Sam asked him if it was about his late wife, his sigh long as he nodded.

"He asked me where she was buried." Joseph said, a tilt to his voice in a way of saying that was a weird fucking question to ask, which was why Sam felt like an ass when he had to ask the same thing.

"...And where is that again?"

"What, I gotta go through these twice?" He asked, and Sam could tell that he would really much rather not going through it all again, but the taller of the two knew he had to press on. "It's just fact checking, if you don't mind." Joseph reluctantly answered, telling Sam that he buried her behind their old home.

"Why did you move?" Sammy figured he already knew the answer before he even asked, but he knew he needed his own clear response. "I.. I'm not gonna live in the house where my children died." They stopped walking when they reached the Impala, Sam turned to face Joseph directly.

"Mr. Welch, did you ever marry again?"

"No way. Constance.. she was the love of my life, prettiest woman I ever known." His eyes softened as he spoke, love and regret swimming in his tired eyes. Sam pressed on, needing more information, because there was no way a Woman in White develops from a happy marriage. And so he asked just that, and could see the hesitation right away as Joseph answered with an unconvincing _definitely._

Sam tried his best to end it there, to walk away, but it ate at him. The regret in the older man's eyes.. He knew just what he did. He couldn't have known what it would have turned his wife into, but that didn't matter to Sam as he looked back up at Joseph.

"Mr. Welch, you ever hear of a Woman in White?" Sam watched as his eyes snapped up, a confused _what_ passing through his thin lips.

"A Woman in White, or sometimes a Weeping Woman. It's a ghost story. Well, it's more of a phenomenon, really. They're spirits." He neared Joseph then, his stride confident despite Mr. Welch's confused stare.

"They've been sighted for hundreds of years. Dozens of places in Hawaii and Mexico, lately in Arizona, Indiana. All different women, you understand, but all share the same story."

"Boy, I don't care much for nonsense-" He tried to walk away, to get away from Sam's stare and his words but the younger man kept going, following after him. He needed him to hear this, needed to be sure.

"You see, when they were alive, their husbands were unfaithful to them. And these women, basically suffering from temporary insanity, _murdered_ their children. Then, once they realized what they had done, they took their own lives. So now their spirits are cursed, walking backroads, waterways.. And if they find an unfaithful man, they kill him, and that man is never seen again." Sam watched as Joseph's bottom lip began to quiver, like he was just a few steps away from getting angry.

"You think.. You think that has something to do with Constance, you smartass-"

"You tell me."

Sam watched as Joseph twitched, shaking his head as he spoke, "I mean maybe.. maybe I made some mistakes, but no matter what I did, Constance never would have killed her own children. Now," He sucked in a deep breath, "You get the hell outta here, and you don't come back." Sam watched as the sad man walked away. His had all the answers he needed.

~*~ 

"I dunno how many times I got to tell you. It's my high school locker combo." Dean said for what felt like the millionth time that evening.

"Are we gonna do this all night long?" And just as Sheriff Pierce asked, he was being pulled away by a lower ranking officer, apparently there was a 911 call, a shooting. He made sure to handcuff Dean to the table before leaving him alone.

His mistake.

Dean picked up a paperclip from the inside the journal, a smirk etched to his features as he picked the lock. He slipped away from the police station skillfully, the book safely hidden in his jacket. His smirk turned into a smile once he made his way to a payphone, his baby brother's voice soothing to his ears.

"Fake 911 phone call, Sammy? I don't know, little brother, that's pretty illegal." His heart pounded in his chest, beyond excited to have Sam do something like that for him. It was like he still cared. Of course that should have been obvious, but it made him happy all the same.

"You're welcome, big brother." Sam said with a small laugh, his voice filled with a fondness he hadn't heard in so long. Dean sat with that for a second, welcomed the heat that filled his cheeks and the tips of his ears. But as soon as the second was over, he knew he had to get back to business. "Listen, we gotta talk." Dean said, referring to the case. Wasn't exactly what they needed to be talking about but he listened anyway as Sam talked about what he figured out while he was sitting in jail.

"So the husband was unfaithful. We _are_ dealing with a Woman in White. She's buried behind her old house." And then he went on about dad and corpse, Dean tried to shut him up so he could explain but he just kept going, "I can't figure out why he hasn't destroyed the corpse yet."

"That's what I'm tryna tell you!" He took in a deep breath, "He's gone. Dad left Jericho."

"What? How do you know?"

"I've got his journal." He was slightly surprised to hear the true worry lined in Sammy's voice as he pointed out that their dad never went anywhere without it. "..Well, he did this time." Sam then asked what it said, his voice just as urgent as he felt when he first saw it.

"Same old ex-marine crap when he wants to let us know where he's going." Sometimes Dean wished his dad would keep it simple and just be outright with what he wanted, but he knew it was safer his dad's way, so he would never complain out loud.

"Coordinates. Where to?" Sam asked and it kinda sounded like he was ready to go just about anywhere, but he had to tell him he wasn't sure yet. He'd figure it out.

"Dean, what the hell is going on?" But before the older brother could answer he heard Sammy let out a breath, the tires of the Impala screeching as he hit the brakes hard.

"Sam? Sammy!"

No response. Just the sound of the call dropping and the pounding in his chest.

~*~ 

"Take me home."

Sam tried his best to control his breathing as Constance stared at him from his rearview mirror. Her eyes were cold and unfeeling, and Sam's heart was still in his throat from when he thought he was actually about to run someone over.

_"Take me home."_ She repeated, her voice more urgent than the first time.

"No." Sam could tell she wasn't gonna give up without a fight though as she locked the doors around them, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't get pull the locks up. The next thing he heard was the tires loud against the pavement, the car moving on its own. He had no choice but to sit during the short ride to her home.

"Don't do this." Sam warned when the Impala stopped in front of the old house. Her spirit flashed as her brows furrowed, "I can never go home."

"You're scared to go home." He turned around to look at her but she was gone, he looked out the window but there was nothing but land and old buildings, then to the passenger seat where her glance met his with a dead stare. Constance was on his lap in an instant, pushing him back against the seat. Sam tried to push her away but she was too strong, she kept him in place no matter how much he squirmed.

"Hold me. I'm so cold."

"You can't kill me. I'm not unfaithful. I've never been." She smirked down at him before leaning in close to his ear, her voice sending nasty chills down his spine.

"Your mind is." She licked up the shell of his ear, "I can feel it. Every time you look at him, you want to, don't you? Want to be unfaithful with him? Want him to make you feel things you know she can't?" Her cold lips brushed his cheek and he couldn't control the gasp that passed through his lips. Flashes of Dean in his lap instead, kissing him deeply, grinding against him-"See? Unfaithful." She laughed as she pressed her bottom against his erection. Hot tears burned his eyes as he tried to reach for the keys, to find some way of escape.

She flashed again, but that time she changed into something completely horrific. His screams filled the car as her hand dig into his flesh, almost tearing him apart if it wasn't for the bullets flying through the window. Sam sat up fast and angry, his tears spilling down his cheeks, "I'm taking you home." He turned on the Impala and hit the gas.

_What the fuck is he doing?! _Dean thought as he watched from outside, his gun lowered as Sam drove his car right into the goddamn house. "Sam!" He called out for him as he ran inside. He made his way to the passenger side and yanked Sammy out and into his arms.__

____

"You idiot. Are you okay?" Dean asked, his arms still wrapped around him. This was what he needed the whole time, to feel Sam against him. It felt so good. "I-I'm fine, Dean." Sam stuttered, his body burning beautifully against his brother's. The moment didn't last long though once they remembered where they were. They pulled away maybe a little too fast, their cheeks crimson as Constance threw down her family portrait.

____

She raised her arm and then suddenly they were pressed up against the car with a dresser just about crushing their legs. Sam was silently glad his erection died down after seeing that ugly face, otherwise he'd be feeling a whole new pain. The electricity crackled around them, snatching Sammy out of his childish thoughts. Constance slowly turned as water trickled down the steps. The only thing Sam and Dean could see at first was the shadow of a child.

____

"You've come home to us, mommy."

____

And then suddenly two kids were behind her, _her_ kids. A boy and a girl, both sopping wet with wide eyes. She stared down at them with true horror as they wrap their arms around her, their souls tugging at hers in an ugly fight, Constance screamed while her face flashed back and forth until she was completely pulled down into the floor. Her screams faded with the sound of water through a drain.

____

Finally they were able to push the dresser off of them and finally able to take in much needed air. "So this this is where she drowned her kids.." Dean said as they stared at the spot where they disappeared. "That's why she could never go home. She was too scared to face them." Sammy said with a proud smile, because he was the one who figured it out. Dean decided not to hide the fact that he was proud of him this time.

____

"You found her weak spot." He gave a pat to Sam's cheek but his touch lingered until it laid flat against the side of the younger man's neck. Dean's eyes were so soft as his thumb wiped away the still wet tear streak. "Good job, Sammy." He didn't ask why his baby brother was crying, just ruffled his hand through his hair before finally retracting his touch and walked away to the Impala.

____

Sam's cheek burned where Dean touched him. He could feel the need build up again, stronger than before, the need to fall into the safety of his big brother's embrace. _"See? Unfaithful."_ Constance's words break through his thoughts and brought him back down to reality. He thought of Jessica, to her beautiful blond waves and her bright blue eyes, her loving, never judging arms- _There._ That was it. Sam was okay again, for the moment anyway.

____

"Wish I could say the same for you." Humor was what he decided to go with instead, what they both seemed to go with, "What were you thinking, shooting Casper in the face, you freak?" Sam asked through a laugh. That part was kinda funny at least. Just wasn't funny when he was crying.

____

"Hey, I saved your ass." He reminded his baby brother with a big grin. He was so happy, too happy. He was high on the rush of solving a case, not to mention high on Sammy's presence. It felt right working together, so natural. He didn't know how much he needed it until he finally had it again. He clung to the hope that he'd continue to have it, the interview and Jessica the last thing on Dean's mind.

____

~*~ 

____

"Okay, here's where dad went." Sam said as he struggled to keep the flashlight in between his cheek and shoulder, his fingers gliding across the map in his lap. "It's called Blackwater Ridge, Colorado."

____

"Sounds charming. How far?" Dean asked, taking just a second to look down at the map and back to the road again. "About 600 miles." Sammy replied as he finally removed the flashlight from that uncomfortable position.

____

"If we shag ass we can make it by morning."

____

Sam paused for a second, his heart in his throat as he looked up at his big brother. He looked so happy, so excited. God, this wasn't fair. "Dean, um.." His gut twisted once he saw the happiness fall from the older Winchester's face. "You're not going.." It wasn't a question, or even an order, just a sad realization. Dean blamed himself for getting too excited about it. For a while he got lost in it, lost in their little world. Reality was much harsher it seemed.

____

"The interview's in ten hours. I got to be there." Sam found himself explaining anyway. Dean wouldn't really look at him. The older brother refused to let Sammy see him upset. He blinked away those stupid tears and just nodded. "Yeah, yeah. I'll take you home."

____

The rest of the hour drive was silent and dark, the road only illuminated by a single headlight. I'm sorry, Dean. Wish I didn't leave. Wish I wasn't scared. All the things he could have said swirled through his head as he leaned back against the seat. He shut his eyes and forced himself to block out everything, only concentrating on the music coming from the radio.

____

Before he knew it the car stopped right in front his building, he looked up at the familiar entryway. He gathered his bag and shut the door, making sure to lean down to spare his brother a glance. "Maybe this.. maybe we can meet up later." Sam came to the conclusion that he couldn't just forget Dean. He'd rather have him at a distance than not at all. Dean wasn't sure if he could handle being second to his baby brother. Not with what they'd been through, not with what they'd done. It wasn't healthy, him wanting to blow apart all of Sammy's chances at a normal life. He didn't know how to put that into words, so he just responded with a soft, "Yeah, Sammy. We'll do that."

____

The youngest Winchester patted the Impala before walking away, turning away from his brother and to the steps. His feet stopped moving halfway when Dean called his name, he turned instantly, wanting _something_ that would make him get back in the car.

____

"We made a hell of a team back there, little brother." Dean said, instead of everything else he wanted so desperately to let out. Sam's smile was small and fond despite that, even if his hazel eyes showed the smallest amount of disappointment.

____

"Yeah.. we did, big brother. We really did."

____

Dean gave him one last smile before pulling off, Sam watched until he was down the street and passed the corner. He felt empty without the sensations his brother gave him from just being right beside him, but he told himself it was for the best as he made his way up stairs to the first real home he ever had.

____

"Jess?" He called out as he shut the door behind him. "You home?" He made his way to the kitchen first, his heart warming once he saw the tray of freshly baked cookies. _Sweets for my sweetie. Love you - Jess _. Said the handwritten note beside the tray. His mood lifted slightly as he took one of the delicious treats.__

______ _ _

_Such a dork,_ Sam thought gleefully. He figured she was out with friends, and that was okay. He told himself he'd call her before going to sleep, if she wasn't home before then. What he truly yearned for was the feeling of his bed, something he missed the short time he was gone. He fell down with a plop and exhaled a sigh of pure relief. For the moment, things were okay. He'd be fine tonight.

______ _ _

He felt something wet fall against his cheek. _Huh?_ Then another. _Could have sworn we got that leak fixed,_ he thought absentmindedly as he finally opened his eyes. Jessica stared back at him, her bloodied corpse against the ceiling. His screams filled the room as she was engulfed in flames, just like his dream but it was different this time because for the life of him he just wouldn't wake up.

______ _ _

"Sammy! Sam, what- _oh..oh god_ -Get up, we have to go." He could hear his brother calling for him but he was somewhere off in the distance, his hands reaching for her as if he could save her. But he knew he couldn't. She burned and burned as he was carried away by Dean. Even as he sat in the impala, waiting for Dean, it felt like he was in that room. Could still feel the heat, could still smell the burning of her flesh. That note was probably nothing but ashes. The ring he got for her was no doubt destroyed, it was still in his duffel that was in the room. It was all gone.<.p>

______ _ _

Dean's voice was muffled in the background of his thoughts, just as the sound of the car starting. Sam couldn't process anything, just didn't care anymore. He leaned over and rested his head against Dean's chest, his hands clinging to his jacket like it was the only thing keeping him connected to reality, the only thing reminding him that he wasn't in that room anymore.

______ _ _

Dean meant warmth. Dean meant safety. Dean meant everything would be okay. And so he clung to Dean until his mind wasn't in that room, and maybe even a little longer. Definitely a little longer.

______ _ _

~*~ 

______ _ _


	6. Here For You

Dean only got half way passed the corner before he slammed on the brakes and made the worst U-turn of his life, just so he could get to Sam. He was hurt and wasn't thinking straight. He wanted to tell Sam off, tell him all the things that he'd been keeping inside. For some reason he wanted his little brother to hurt, a reason he soon forgot when all he could hear were his Sammy's screams.

There was so much fire. Sam was just looking up at it instead of running, why wasn't he-

 _"Oh.. oh god.."_ For a moment he was in his dad head, looking through his eyes, up at his mom burning and bleeding against the ceiling. The moment lasted only second before he scooped Sammy up in his arms, pulling him away from the inferno. Sam fought against his hold, trying to reach for her, but it was too late, she was gone. His body fell limp at some point down the stairs, his legs barely working. Dean supported him all the way to the Impala, setting him down gently, one hand holding on to Sammy while the other worked to call 911.

It didn't take long after he hung up to hear the sirens in the distance. He held Sam's face in his hands, trying his best to get Sam to look at him. It was like he wasn't there even though his body was right there in front of him. "..Gone.. all gone.." Sam finally looked into his eyes, "She's gone."

"Oh, Sammy.." Dean pulled him in, his hold tight against his little brother's shaking body. Sam didn't return the embrace, Dean didn't think he physically could at the moment. "I'm here. You're gonna be okay. You hear me?" His silence let him know that Sammy didn't feel like talking anymore, and that was okay. Dean got him settled into the passenger seat before giving the scene behind him one final look. Jessica didn't deserve that. No one did, but especially not her, when all she wanted to do was make his Sammy happy.

He shook his head as he finally turned away. They didn't need to sit there anymore, it was too much. He started the car and drove down to the nearest motel so he could get Sammy settled. He white-knuckled the steering wheel until he felt Sam's presence sneak into his arms, his hands clinging to the fabric of Dean's jacket like his life depended on it. He wrapped an arm around his baby brother and held him close, hoping to God it was helping him in some way.

Dean found a pretty cheap motel not far from the apartment. Sam let him leave the car to pay for the room and only got out when Dean came back, his mind turned off, his legs moving on their own. He barely registered what he was doing when he pulled his uncomfortable jeans off and fell into one of the motel's beds. It wasn't like his. Wasn't soft. Didn't have the smell of Jessica's shampoo. He couldn't see little stray blond hairs on the pillows. It didn't feel like home, but he had no home.. not anymore. No safety net from his issues.

This was his fault. If Sam had just left her out of his life, she'd still be alive. If he had just not been selfish in the beginning with Dean, if he had just swallowed all of his fears and stayed, she would have never been put into that situation. That was who he was though, just a selfish boy who only thought about his own needs. _My fault._

_She's gone and it's all my fault._

~*~

The nightmares were unbearable the first night. He'd see her begging for help, and just as he was right there, his arms out so he could scoop her up and finally bring some safety in return, she burst into flames. Her screams echoed in the all black room surrounding him. All he could do was fall to his knees as her pale skin turned a charred black.

_"Why didn't you just tell me the truth, Sam?"_

"I'm sorry.. so sorry.. my fault.." He mumbled in his sleep. It was four am and Dean couldn't find it in him to sleep. He only listened to his baby brother's cries. He knew this was going to be rough but it still didn't make it any easier. He didn't know what to do to make it better. When Sammy's mumbles turned into actual screaming, Dean got up and shook him awake.

"Sammy, wake up, please. It's just a dream." Through what little light there was in the room he could kind of see when his little brother finally opened his eyes. For a moment things were silent, their eyes never leaving each others as Sammy's hands trailed up his bare stomach and chest.

"You're so warm. Always so warm." His voice was small and tired as his fingers spread out across his older brother's chest, brushing against hard nipples. Dean held in a sound, his hands moving from Sam's shoulders to his hair, combing through it until his hand rested peacefully on the youngest Winchester's cheek.

"Hold me, please.. Need you, Dean." And in a flash he was back to being the big brother that comforted his Sammy after a nightmare. He didn't protest, just got under the covers and let Sam curl into his side, head resting on his chest. Dean wrapped his arms around him, his fingers working through oily strands of hair.

"I'm sorry." Sam whispered into his brother's chest. "I'm sorry for leavin' you." His hands were shaking as he spoke, hoping to God their fragile little thing didn't snap with just his words. Oh but he meant it. He had to let Dean know. He couldn't hold it in anymore.

"We don't have to talk about it, Sammy. Just rest, okay? Please." Dean realized right away that he wasn't ready to talk about it. It was too much. This whole time he'd expected to be angry when the conversation came up, expected it to blow up into the biggest fight of their lives. He had no idea what to do in that moment when they both were just too vulnerable, too delicate.

"Yes.. yes, we do. I keep.. hurting the people I love." Sam's voice was finally even, like he was sure of what he was saying. "Even if you can't forgive me right now, Dean.. I'm just glad you're here with me. Y-you're.. you're mine, right?" His tone quivered near the end, like it could very well be the worst thing he could have said.

Dean sucked in air, his chest tight. He didn't understand what his brother was doing. It almost felt like it couldn't be real. That he was just saying that because of what happened. The thought hurt more than it should have. He blinked away his tears for the second time as he swallowed those emotions down.

"...Always been yours."

Sam lifted himself up then, his body almost towering over Dean's. They were too close, their bodies too hot. Dean could feel his breath against his cheeks. The older brother's hands moved on their own accord, running up his thighs and stopping at his hip, the soft feel of boxers against his palm. Sam's heart felt like it was about to burst. He had no idea what he was doing, he only knew that he needed Dean. Needed him to keep him from falling back into that dark place, barely comperhending how damned selfish he still was even after everything.

"Sammy.." His voice was a warning, despite how husky it was. Sam leaned downward, his forehead against his Dean's forehead. "..Sammy.." It came out in a breathy whisper. A desperate noise that went straight to the younger man's cock. He was so fucked up for feeling like that after everything that happened just the day before, but with Dean right there, it made it impossible to think about anything other than him.

Dean closed the distance first, their lips touching with a gasp. He gripped at his baby brother's hips, pulling them hard against his thigh. He could feel how hard he was for him, could feel the sick surge of excitment that gave him. Sam had hot tears burning behind his closed eyes but he refused to let them fall as his hands lose themselves in Dean's hair, a sweet noises trapped in his throat from the feeling of Dean slowly rutting up against him.

Dean was just as hard as he was, something Sam could tell each time he felt it grind against his hip, hungry and desperate just like his baby brother. "Dean." Sam moaned against his lips, his hips moving, giving him exactly the type of friction he needed.

"It's okay, Sammy. It's okay. Gonna be here, here for you- _fuck._ " Dean panted, his hands all over Sam's back and broad shoulders. He'd really gotten so big, so grown. But like this, with his sweet moans filling his ears, he was still his little Sammy. So timid but always wanting to please his big brother. _So good, so good._ Dean's thoughts were jumbled as his orgasm neared. 

Sam kissed him hard as he came, still rutting up against him as he rode each wave out. Thick fingers tug at his hair as Dean's release came just a few seconds after, his grip around his love tight and never ending. The youngest Winchester fell into the hold, laying flat against Dean. He was probably too big for that, but his Dean didn't complain. Just held onto him like his life depended on it. They didn't talk for the rest of the night, just fell asleep with the mess in their underwear.

And that was okay, because at least Sam didn't have another nightmare.

~*~

When Dean woke up alone, he panicked. He was brought back to that night when-oh god. He felt so stupid as he looked around the empty room. He couldn't believe he'd let himself get sucked in again. _Son of a bitch-_

The door of the motel room opened and caused Dean to stand ready on his feet, ready for anything. He wasn't exactly ready to see his dopey little brother standing there holding breakfast. Sammy walked in cautiously as he set the bag down, like he was scared Dean was mad or something. Well, he was a little mad but that was because he thought his Sam left him again.

"You got me breakfast?" Dean asked, his voice soft as he realized his baby brother didn't leave. He was standing right there, even if he looked a little broken.

"How are you feeling today?" He asked as the memories of what happened the day before flooded his still sleepy brain.

"I talked to Jess' family on the way to get the food. They're planning a closed casket funeral in the next couple of days." Sam knew it wasn't the answer Dean was looking for. He hoped he could tell how much it hurt with how his voice tightened when he had to say the words _closed casket_. He'd never see her face as the way it was, just in his dreams and in their photographs. 

Dean could tell and didn't force the subject any longer. He just got up and went to where Sam was, right next to the lovely smell of greasy breakfast foods. He watched as Sammy tensed when he got near and it stung. Dean wondered if he regretted last night. Like it was some type of mistake.

"Dean, last night.." The oldest brother paused and shut his eyes as he waited for the rejection that he knew would cut him like his sharpest knife," I just need you to know that I meant every word." That took Dean a little off guard, his eyes snapping open to look up at his Sammy.

"You have no idea how much I regret leaving you. I thought about you every single day. And I know that makes me a horrible person because I had Jessica, I'm probably never going to stop feeling horrible about that." He paused and leaned against the table, his tears burning hot and threatening to fall, "But I just need you to know I don't regret anything that happened with you last night. If you do, then.. I understand.. just-"

Before he could ramble on any further, he was shushed by a pair of plump lips. He relaxed instantly, wrapping his arms around the shorter man and kissed back deeply, not minding the morning breath whatsoever.

"I forgive you, Sammy. All that matters is that we're here now, together." He said as he pulled away, his hands at the nape of Sam's neck, "You're mine and I'm yours, got it?"

"Got it." Sammy said before pulling Dean in for another much needed kiss, just because he finally could.

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, they've finally established their relationship.. But it's not an ending. More drama and smut to come!


	7. Recycle, Man

Sam and Dean spent another week in Palo Alto to investigate Jessica's death, which included having to go back to the apartment. That was difficult and was almost enough to put Sammy back into a bad headspace, but Dean was there, ready to take his hand and bring him back up to reality. But then there was the funeral, which was somehow harder than going back to their home. He had Dean wait in the Impala simply because he knew he had to do that on his own.

So many tears. Jess' family mourned her over a closed casket. They hugged Sam and told him how much she loved him, how much she talked about marrying him someday, only because they didn't know he was the reason why she was dead. And so they treated him better than he deserved. He watched as she was lowered into the deep, deep hole in the ground, the priest's words drowned out somewhere in the distance.

Sammy didn't want to talk about it once he got back in the car with his brother. He pushed it down deep-even deeper than Jess' coffin-because he knew that was his burden to carry and he deserved the pain that came along with it. Dean knew not to press the issue any further. It wasn't his place. He just intertwined his fingers with Sam's, hoping it brought even the slightest amount of comfort, as they made their way to Blackwater Ridge, Colorado.

Small touches and long kisses. That was all Sam was able to give since that one night and Dean was more than okay with that. They'd go at Sammy's pace, however long that would be. He was still hurting but trying, trying his best to make Dean feel loved, and the older sibling could truly tell. Still didn't change the fact that the younger man was more on edge than ever, and it didn't help that they found nothing during their investigation in Palo Alto.

When his Sammy fell asleep, he didn't bother him, just drove and made sure to look at him every so often. The younger man wasn't sleeping well either, on top of everything. Nightmares plagued him and so he settled with just staying up and looking at Dean, his fingers brushing against his skin when he'd think the older boy was sleeping. Dean caught him many times during the week and wanted to do one of two things: pull him down and urge him to finally sleep and the other was more like.. pulling him down and kissing his body all over, whispering promises in his skin.

Dean shook the thought away. _Concentrate on the road._

It was gonna be a long drive.

~*~

Sam jolted awake from another nightmare, thankful to find that he was still in the Impala and not where his mind just was. Where Jessica's cold, dead hand rose up and wrapped around his wrist- _It's okay. Breathe. Just a dream._ He was safe because Dean was there.

"You okay?" A large, comforting hand found it's way to his knee and Sam laid his palm against it, still trying his best to bring his heart rate down. "Yeah.. I'm fine." And then he squeezes Dean's hand and pulled it upward a couple inches. Right there on his thigh was a lot better. Dean agreed wholeheartedly, and so he kept it there. He didn't move it though, only stilled his hand from going any further.

"Do you wanna drive for a while?" Dean asked after a moment of silence. He watched as Sam's face lit up, an amused smile playing at his lips.

"In your whole life, you've never once asked me that." Sam said through a chuckle. Dean rolled his eyes but his hand never left that spot, "Just thought you might want to. Never mind." His voice sounded grumpy but there wasn't any heat to it, he was just a little frustrated that he didn't know how to help his Sammy.

"Look, man. You're worried about me. And I get it, thank you, but I'm perfectly okay." He gave his older brother's hand a reassuring squeeze but he could tell Dean wasn't convinced. With a sigh, Sam removed his hand so he could get into the glove box and pull out the map.

"Alright.. where are we?" Sam's eyes glazed over the map as Dean answered, "We are just outside of Grand Junction." Green eyes never leave the road but he could hear another sigh come from the younger man.

"You know what? Maybe we shouldn't have left Stanford so soon." Sam said in a rush and he almost regretted saying it because as soon as they came out, Dean removed his warm touch, leaving the spot cold.

"Sam, we dug around for a week. We came up with nothing. If we want to find what killed Jessica.." He trailed off, trying his best to tread carefully, but he knew his baby brother knew where he was going with it and that he was right.

"Got to find dad first." Sam finished the sentence solemnly. He removed his eyes from the map for a brief moment so he could look at the road and take in his surroundings and not think about Jessica and her blood dripping on his face-he pushed the thoughts back as far as they could go as he blinked away tears. He didn't feel like crying anymore, especially not in front of Dean.

"Dad disappearing, and this thing showing up after twenty years? It's no coincidence. Dad will have answers. He'll know what to do." And he was sure of it, too. He tried not to notice the little shake of Sam's head out of the corner of his eye.

"It's weird, man." He gave as he looked over the map again, "These coordinates he left us, this Black Water Ridge.. There's nothin' there. It's just.. woods." He sat the map down and looked forward, shaking his head again as he tried to wrap his head around everything, "Why is he sending us to the middle of nowhere?"

Dean finally spared Sam a glance, one that meant he had no clue. His hand found his way back to Sammy's, their fingers intertwining and fitting together perfectly. The younger Winchester let out a breath, his nerves easing slightly. Dean turned his attention back to the road, quickly making his way to the place their father instructed them to go.

~*~

The Winchester brothers found themselves at a ranger station on Lost Creek Trail. Sam looked over a textured map, while Dean decided to look around the station. "It's cut of by the canyons here.. Rough terrain, dense forest, abandoned silver and gold minds all over the place.." Sam explained somewhere off in the distance. It was hard for Dean to listen when he was captivated by a single hunting photo. _It's huge!_

"Dude, check out the size of this friggin' bear."

Sam looked up and then rolled his eyes once he realized Dean wasn't even listening. He stood up straight and stood beside his brother, eyeing the same photo. _Damn.._ Sammy thought silently. They were pretty huge. "...And a dozen or more grizzles in the area. It's no nature hike, that's for sure."

"You boys aren't planning to go out near Black Water Ridge, by any chance?" A ranger asked from behind them. They both turned quickly, thinking of a good cover. Sam spoke first, his smile seemingly genuine.

"Oh, no, sir. We're environmental-study majors from U.C. Boulder. Just working on a paper." It came out as smooth as it could. "Recycle, man." Dean added with a raised fist. Sam tried not to grin at his Dean's antics.

"Bull." The ranger called them out. Sam's face faltered as he looked from his big brother and then back to the ranger. "You're friends with that Hailey girl, right?" He asked, motioning towards them with his coffee filled mug.

"Yes." Dean answered quickly, sure not to miss an opportunity to get information. "Yes, we are, Ranger.." The oldest Winchester paused to get a look at the name tag, "Wilkinson." Said ranger took a few more steps across the room just to lean against a desk. He shook his head as he spoke,

"Well, I'll tell you exactly what I told her. Her brother filled out a backcountry permit saying he wouldn't be back from Black Water until the 24th. So it's not exactly a missing person, now is it?" He looked over the two young men in front of him as they shook their heads. "Tell that girl to quit worrying. I'm sure her brother's just fine."

"We will." Dean watched as the older man walked to the door way, only to continue, "Well that Hailey girl is quite a pistol, huh?" The ranger turned around and agreed with the statement in an exasperated tone.

"Actually you know what would help is if I could show her a copy of that backcountry permit. You know, so she could see her brother's return date." Dean knew it wouldn't take much convincing, the older man would have probably done anything to get the girl off his back. The brothers walked out and to the Impala, permit in hand, and Sammy couldn't shake his aggravation.

"What, are you cruising for a hook up or something?" He tried to make it come off as a joke, but the jealousy and strain were clear in his tone. Dean stopped walking for just a second and just stared at his brother's back. He somehow managed to shake it off, not really wanting to explain that he had only been with one person since he left. Sam didn't need to know about her. Dean didn't really wanna think about her.

"What do you mean?" Dean asked instead as he made his way to the driver side door.

"The coordinates point to Black Water Ridge. So what are we waiting for? Let's go find dad. I mean, why even talk to this girl?" Sammy could barely register how brash he sounded, how unlike him he sounded. But Dean noticed, and he didn't like it. He understood, wholeheartedly, but he still didn't like it.

"Maybe we should know what we're walking into before we actually walk into it." Dean said, almost surprised at how logical he sounded. That was supposed to be Sam's thing. But apparently not that day as Dean looked up at him from across the hood, those hazel eyes just.. tired.

"Since when are you all _'shoot first, ask questions later'_ , anyway?" He found himself asking despite his better judgment. Sammy sighed as he opened the door, his eyes never leaving those green orbs he loved so much, "Since now." The passenger door slammed shut behind Sam and Dean was left with just his frown.

He managed to shake that off too and got in behind the wheel, but this time was met with Sam's fingers at the nape of his neck, the digits absentmindedly carding through the short hair there. Dean leaned into the touch and let out a content sigh. Despite the war going on inside his baby brother, he was still able to love him.

And that simple fact was just enough to keep the frown away, for a little while anyway.

~*~

When Hailey Collins opened the door, Sam couldn't help but notice how pretty she was, and he couldn't shake the thought away that Dean noticed, too. It was selfish and he knew it, the girl's brother was missing for heaven's sake. But that didn't stop Sam's stomach from twisting in knots when she looked up at him through her lashes and commented on how nice Dean's car was.

He tried his best to ignore those childish feelings and kept his train of thought on the case. As far as Hailey knew, they were park rangers, looking to ask her some questions about her missing brother.

"So, if Tommy's not due back for awhile, how do you know something's wrong?" Sam asked as he stopped just beside the table. Hailey made her way through the kitchen and sat a bowl and a pot down onto the table, where her little brother was silently eating.

"He checks in by cell everyday. He emails photos, stupid little videos. But we haven't heard anything in over three days now." She told them as she stirred the baked beans. Sam nodded but also added, "Well maybe he can't get cell reception." She shook her head at that and let them know that he brought a satellite phone with him.

"Could it be he's just having fun and forgot to check in?" Dean asked without really thinking. The silence coming from the table broke as the boy dropped his silverware, his stare hard and urgent. "He wouldn't do that." The boy said, a warning clear in his voice.

"Our parents are gone. It's just my two brothers and me. We all keep pretty close tabs on each other." She ran her fingers over her brother's scalp and he leaned into the touch, his strained features softening. Sam and Dean shared a glance for a single moment, both knowing full well how that felt.

"Can I see the pictures he sent you?" Sam asked once he managed to tear his gaze away. She agreed, of course, and soon enough the younger Winchester was in front of his laptop, studying each image and video. He made sure to download them so he could show Dean, which was exactly what he did once he finally left the girl's house. They found a country bar and discussed the video in which Sam managed to find a shadow of.. _something_.. in the background. Moving way too fast to be some kind of bear.

That brought them to all of the missing persons, all of them assumed bear attacks, every twenty-three years. All died expect for one, in 1959, a child who barely made it out of the woods alive. And that boy grew to be the gruff old man that opened his door for the brothers, or rather, the park rangers.

"Look, ranger, I don't know why you're asking me about this. It's public record. I was a kid. My parents got mauled by a--" Before the old man could even finish his sentence, Sam cut him off.

"Grizzly? That's what attacked them?" The brothers watched as the man paused, taking a long drag of his cigarette before finally turning around. Mr. Shaw's nod was small and unsure.

"The other people that went missing that year, those bear attacks, too?" Dean asked as he inched closer. He could see the old man's eyes and Dean was sure he didn't believe it, either. "What about all the people that went missing this year? Same thing? If we knew what we were dealing with, we might be able to stop it." The graying man let out a dry laugh at that.

"I seriously doubt that. Anyways, I don't see the difference it would make. You wouldn't believe me." He sat down, his features tired and defeated, matching his apartment all too well. "Nobody ever did." He added as he clung to the small glass of liquor in his hands.

Sam moved passed Dean and sat on the edge of the old man's bed in front of him. "Mr. Shaw.. What did you see?" The young man asked, no trace of judgement in his voice. He watched as the old man's guard fell, his sigh long and deep.

"Nothing. It moved too fast to see. It hid too well. I heard it though. A roar.." He shook his head as he remembered the ear splitting sound, "Like no man or animal I ever heard."

"It came at night?" Sam asked and Mr. Shaw nodded shortly after. "Got inside your tent?" The old man shook his head again as he corrected the young man, "It got inside our _cabin._ "

"I was sleeping in front of the fire place when it came in. It didn't smash a window or break the door-...It unlocked it. Do you know of a bear that could do something like that?" He watched as the two men in front of him exchanged glances "I didn't even wake up until I heard my parents screaming."

"Dragged them off into the night. Why it left me alive.. I've been asking myself that ever since." Silence filled the ratty apartment, the brothers looking down at the floor until Mr. Shaw spoke again, "It did leave me this though." Long scars that looked all too similar the claws. Seeing it made the Winchesters' blood run cold, but only for a single moment. And when that moment was over, they went into hunter mode.

"There's something _evil_ in those woods."

Mr. Shaw didn't know how right he was.

~*~

They left the little apartment knowing more than they did when they arrived. Which was good, despite the fact they still weren't completely sure what it was. They crossed out ghosts and demons and had a slew of other options, which was why they had to be prepared. Dean rummaged through the trunk of his car, packing his duffel.

"We cannot let that Hailey girl go out there." Sammy said from beside him. Dean sighed as he packed his shotgun, "What are we gonna tell her--she can't go into the woods because of a big, scary monster?

"Yeah." Sam's response was quick and all it took was one look in those hazel eyes and Dean knew his baby brother was dead serious. Sam knew the consequences of lying and couldn't really understand the point anymore.

"Her brother is _missing_ , Sam. She's not just gonna sit this out." _I sure wouldn't._ "No, we're gonna go with her, we protect her, and we keep our eyes peeled for our fuzzy predator friend." He said as he stood up straight, duffel over his shoulder. He hoped his brother would just drop it.

"So, dad's not enough?" He asked as he slammed the trunk shut. Dean couldn't help it, he flinched at the noise and at the way his Sammy's eyes looked. "Now we gotta babysit, too?"

Dean could only stare at him, his brows furrowed as he tried his best to understand. Sam watched the flash of hurt come across Dean's features and all his anger washed away--why was he angry in the first place? He had no clue. Too many reasons, all jumbled up. It was just how he felt constantly and he tried his best to hide it but it was so hard. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Dean, however. He rubbed at his face before looking back down at Dean.

The older Winchester visibly relaxed once he saw his Sammy's eyes. No more anger. He looked young and beautiful even if they were pooled with something else, something like regret for the way he talked to his Dean.

"Dean, I.. I'm so sorry.." His older brother was at his side in an instant, shushing him. "Don't need to apologize, Sammy. I could settle for a kiss though.. if that's okay." Sam smiled down at Dean, his hands at the nape of his neck so he could pull him in close, their lips barely inches apart.

"Always."

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when this was supposed to be like a 3-4 chapter fic? Probably not, but it was supposed to be. Now I'm realizing it's more of AU of the first season, and I kinda like the pace I'm going. So, with that being said, this story is about to be a long one lol.


	8. Gone

Nine year old Samuel Winchester clung to his big brother, his cheeks wet with tears after he woke from another nightmare; monstrous things he could never truly understand. That particular night he dreamt of Dean, bloody and dying after a hunt. He couldn't take it, the sheer possibility of it was too much. His brother held him close, whispering promises in his ear, _Never gonna leave you, Sammy._

And suddenly he was thirteen and coming into his own body, noticing things he'd never noticed before. Like the way Dean bit his bottom lip when he was thinking too hard, or the way he looked when he sucked on his fingers after eating a bucket of chicken wings(something he was sure wasn't supposed to be sexy). He didn't understand it. It felt wrong and left him feeling twisted and sick, but he couldn't stop it. He couldn't stop the shift in which his love changed. He still loved Dean as his brother, as his protector and best friend, but it turned into way more than it was supposed to be. He wanted more.

Another change in scenery and it was a place the young hunter didn't exactly recognize. He could only hear girlish moans and the wet, skin slapping sounds of sex. He turned around to face the noise and there Dean was, balls deep in a faceless woman, his green eyes on Sam.

_Watchin' me, Sammy? Watchin' me fuck into this sweet cunt, wishin' it was you instead?_

Sam's throat tightened and his gut twisted despite the growing hardness behind his jeans. _Come over here then, baby._ And suddenly Sam was the one underneath his brother, filled up to the brim with his cock and he could barely hold in his moans. _S'good, huh? You like me in you like this? Love bein' mine?_

_Yes!_ Sam screamed, his hands gripping tightly onto Dean's strong shoulders, in desperate need to come but the pace was way too slow and sluggish.

_Why'd you leave me then, Sammy? If you're mine..Why'd you leave?_

Dean's words hung in the air, echoing all around them. The warm body on top of him soon faded, leaving Sam alone in an all too familiar space. His apartment-the one he shared with Jessica. He waited for the familiar flames, but they never came. Instead, Jessica walked into the room with her sweet smile and her Smurf shirt. His chest ached as she neared him, her hands reaching towards him, the diamond engagement ring sitting beautifully on her finger. Those delicate hands tangled themselves in his hair. _Jess.._

_I'm so excited to spend the rest of my life with you,_ She said as she kissed him, soft and sweet and wrong. He couldn't bring himself to push her away, however. He let her climb into his lap and as she pushed him against the mattress, her kisses trailed down his neck. He kept his eyes shut, his stomach twisted up in knots and it didn't help that it was so damn hot in the room. He didn't open his eyes until he felt the all too familiar drip against his cheek.

Only that time, it was Dean's face that stared down at him, his mouth agape and eyes void of life. Jessica pinned him down with a newfound strength and made him watch as the man he loved burst into flames, barely noticing the yellow glint in her eyes.

~*~ 

Sam jerked awake, body bolting into a sitting position. He was slick with sweat and his head hurt, bits and pieces of his dream pounding against his skull.

He hadn't meant to fall asleep. He had been up most of the night, just listening to Dean breathe. It was probably that that lulled him to sleep, his exhaustion no match for his love's steady breathing. Sleeping did nothing for him, however. It only left him sick, like he wanted to jump out of his own body. Instead he made his way to the bathroom, dry heaving into the toilet as Dean's bloody corpse replayed in his head.

When nothing spilled from his empty belly he forced himself to calm down. He splashed cold water on his face and that helped at least a little bit. He took that time to brush his teeth and take a shower and by the time he was finished he barely remembered the nightmare, just small flashes here at there that he made sure to push down deep.

Dean was still asleep when he made it back into the room, bundled up nicely into the blanket since he wasn't sharing it anymore. Sam walked over to the bed, dressed in just a towel around his waist as he ran his fingers through Dean's hair. He looked so beautiful when he slept. Calm with no worries. He wished he could stay like that.

Green eyes flutter open at the soft touch and the first thing he saw was the sweet face of his baby brother. "Mornin'." His voice was thick with sleep and it made Sam shiver. Dean's gaze traveled down his Sammy's form and licked his lips. "Very good morning, I see."

Dean wanted so badly to run his hand down his chest and pull that towel off, to see what belonged to him and him alone. But something in him told him it wasn't the time, and so he just sat up and pulled the tall man down to his level. "You smell good." Dean said before giving him a chaste kiss.

"Wish I could say the same about you." Sam joked as Dean pulled away. "Yeah, yeah. I'll go get ready. Gonna be quick about it though, gotta leave soon." The older Winchester said as he forced himself off the bed. Sam had almost forgotten about the case. Had almost forgotten the whole reason they were out there. With a long sigh, he managed to get dressed and soon enough they were packed and back in the Impala.

~*~ 

"You guys got room for two more?"

Dean's voice made the group of three turn around. Hailey was there and so was Ben, but there was another guy, an older gentlemen. The brothers guessed it was the guide she hired. He didn't look too pleased to see them, especially when she mentioned they were park rangers. He didn't really look convinced, either.

"You're hiking out in biker boots and jeans?" Hailey asked Dean, her eyes wandering over his form. Sam had already walked away at that point so he didn't have to see the banter with his own eyes. He was trying his hardest not to become irritable, so he figured it'd be best to stay silent and just focus on the case.

"Well, sweetheart, I don't do shorts." Dean explained as he looked over his outfit. He looked pretty good from his perspective. He shrugged and walked right passed her, barely even noticing as her blue eyes followed him. He stood right by his Sammy, wishing he could hold his hand. In hindsight, he could have. The group didn't know they were brothers. Something in him made that almost impossible to do, however. Something so intimate outside of motel rooms and the Impala made him nervous. He wondered silently if Sam ever felt like that.

"Oh, you think this is funny?" Roy, the guide, shot Dean's way, taking him out of his thoughts in an instant. "It's dangerous backcountry out there. Her brother could be hurt." He added once the shorter man turned around. Sam watched Dean from his peripheral, watched as the corner of his brother's mouth morphed in a sympathetic half smile, "Believe me, I know how dangerous it can be. We just to help them find their brother, that's all."

Roy seemed to give in after that and they went on their way, hiking through the heavy woods in a silence just as heavy. Sam walked behind the group, right behind Ben. He kept his eyes and ears everywhere, searching for any and all signs of anything out of the ordinary. Dean was near the front, right behind Roy. Dean never really cared much for silence.

"Roy, you said you did a little hunting." Dean brought up out of the blue.

"Yeah, more than a little." He corrected as he stepped over the high grass. Dean muttered an Uh-huh under his breath, "What kind of furry critters do you hunt?" The Winchester couldn't help but ask.

"Mostly buck. Sometimes bear." Roy answered simply, not really paying much mind to Dean.

"Tell me.. Do Bambi or Yogi ever hunt you back?" And as soon as the question was out of his mouth, Roy grabbed him by the jacket and pulled him back a little too roughly. Sam's eyes shot up instantly, ready to get in between them if he needed to.

"Whatcha doin', Roy?" Dean asked, eyeing him up like he was daring him to try something. Roy responded by letting him go and using a nearby stick to set off a bear trap that Dean almost stepped in. Okay maybe Dean felt a little slow after that.

"You should watch where you're stepping.. _ranger._ "

Dean sucked in his lips and nodded, "It's a bear trap," he told the group behind him. He finally found his footing and walked off with an awkward chuckle. Sam took in a deep breath and shook his head, following a short distance behind Ben. He could see Hailey shake her head, too, inpure disbelief as she chased after Dean.

"You didn't pack any provisions, you guys are carrying a duffel bag-You're not rangers--so who the hell are you?" Hailey gripped at Dean's arm and forced him to turn around. Dean looked from her hand, up her arm and to her eyes. It was Sam's slight cough that brought his attention back up and to the familiar hazel. Dean nodded in his direction in a way that said _it's okay._ That seemed to be enough for the moment because Sam walked away, leaving Dean alone with her.

"Sam and I are brothers." He admitted once Sammy was out of earshot. "We're looking for our father. He might be here, we don't know. I just figured that you and me, we're in the same boat." She looked away, thinking deeply, like she was considering it.

"Why didn't you just tell me from the start?"

Dean shrugged in response to her question, "Well I'm telling you now. We okay?" He asked and she nodded, her hand still there on his arm for just a second longer before finally letting go.

"And what do you mean I didn't pack provisions?" Dean pulled a bag of M&Ms from his jacket pocket and grinned at her before turning away, making sure to stuff some of the sweets in his mouth. He didn't even notice the young woman smiling softly at his back.

Instead he made his way to Sam, standing just close enough to feel his warmth. He managed to get Sammy to take a couple and he actually smiled down at him-even though it was a small one, it didn't matter. It was all Dean was ever gonna need.

~*~ 

"This is it. This is Black Water Ridge." Roy announced once they reached a clearing. Sam stepped passed him, eyes everywhere but the man he was talking to, "What coordinates are we at?" The young man asked. He clung to the straps of his duffel. Something didn't feel right. Roy gave him the coordinates, eyeing the 'rangers' suspiciously from behind them.

"You hear that?" Dean didn't feel right either. "Yeah. Not even crickets." Sam replied, the silence in the forest feeling absolutely wrong. And of course, no one else in the group took notice.

"I'm gonna go take a look around." Roy said as he put his GPS away. The brothers turned to him instantly and Sam swiftly replied, "You shouldn't go off by yourself." Barely remembering that the older man didn't give a shit about what the brothers thought, something that was evident by Roy's dry laugh.

"You're sweet." The flirty tilt to his voice annoyed Dean slightly, "Don't worry about me." He smirked as he walked past Sam, making sure his shoulder brushed against the younger man's chest. Okay maybe more than just slightly annoyed, but Dean managed to shake it off once he noticed his Sammy was not phased.

"Okay, everybody stays together." The older hunter said to the rest of the group and they all nodded in compliance. Then there was what felt like even more walking until from a few feet away Roy called out Hailey's name and told them all to get over to where he was. Everyone bolted after that, following Roy's voice until their feet stopped abruptly at the horrific scene in front of them.

A camp site torn to shreds, blood and debris surrounding them. "Tommy..?" Hailey whispered as she looked through what was left of the tents. "Tommy!" She screamed hysterically near the woods when she couldn't find her brother. Sam ran to her and gently urged her to stay quiet, "Why?" She asked, defiance clear in her tone and Sam relented slightly, understanding that all she wanted was to find her big brother.

"Something might still be out there." He warned, his tone soft. Sam had her go back to the others once he heard Dean call for him deeper into the forest. He found his brother crouched down, studying the ground. Dean recognized his brother's warmth from behind him as Sam got down to his level.

"The bodies were dragged from the campsite." He looked at Sammy then, watching as his brother's eyes traveled the imprints in the dirt, "But here, the tracks stop." Dean points to where the tracks ended and commented on how weird that was, and the younger hunter agreed.

"I tell you what.. It's no skinwalker or black dog." That much they knew for sure, and Sam knew he was gonna have to look deep into their father's journal for answers. The brothers parted ways when they got back to camp and the first thing Dean saw was Hailey as she held up a broken, blood covered satellite phone that Dean knew had to be Tommy's.

Her small body was shaking with her quiet sobs and Dean couldn't help but kneel down beside her, "Hey, he could still be alive." He gave and she turned to look at him, her eyes sad but soft. She almost looked as though she wanted to finish crying against his shoulder, but she never got the chance as screams cut through the forest's silence.

_"Please! Somebody help me!"_

The group ran to the noise and Dean and Roy had their guns ready for two different reasons, but it didn't seem to matter when they reached the empty clearing where they were sure the screams were coming from. Sam's eyes darted through the trees, his heart thudded in his chest as the silence filled the forest once again. "Everybody back to camp." Sam ordered and once they did, they were shocked to find their bags and gear had been stolen.

"What the hell is going on?!" Hailey questioned and Sam could only shake his head his head because _damn_ he wished he knew the answer to her question, it'd save a lot of time and trouble, but as he spoke, he was getting a few ideas.

"It's smart. It wants to cut us off so we can't call for help." Sam supplied as his brain worked a mile a minute, Dean could practically see the gears turning in his baby brother's head from across the camp.

"You mean _someone._ " Roy corrected, "Some nut job out there just stole all our gear."

Sam sighed and made his way over to Dean, his hand wrapping around his big brother's arm to get his attention, "I need to speak with you.. in private." Dean nodded and followed Sammy deeper into the woods and stopped only when the younger hunter did and asked to see their dad's journal. Dean watched as he flipped through each page.

"Alright.. check that out." Sam said as he showed Dean the page on wendigos, which only made the older brother scoff incredulously. "Sammy, come on. Wendigos are in the Minnesota woods, or Northern Michigan. I've never even heard of one this far west." Dean had said, but he was considering it, however, especially when Sam didn't back down.

"Think about it, Dean. The claws, the way it can mimic a human voice." The young hunter explained. He could see the moment Dean finally relented and agreed when he groaned out a sarcastic _great._ "Well then this is completely useless." Dean said as he gestured towards his gun.

Sammy only shrugged in response. He knew they'd figure it out. He made sure no one was around before he stepped forward and pressed his lips against Dean's. It only took a second before the older hunter relaxed and kissed back, and god he wished it lasted longer. Before he knew it Sammy had pulled back a few inches so he could look down at Dean, his hands still at the nape of the older hunter's neck.

"We got to get these people to safety." Sam whispered before letting go and turning back to camp. Dean knew his little brother was right. He was suddenly wishing he had listened to him in the first place and tried harder to keep Hailey and Ben home and out of danger. He shook the thought away and followed behind his brother.

"Alright, it's time to go." Sam announced as he walked through the camp and stopped near the middle, "Things have gotten.. more complicated." He looked around and saw Hailey's face, one of confusion, defiance and fear as she asked what he was talking about.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. Whatever's out there, I think I can handle it." Roy said to Sam, and yeah, Dean really didn't like hearing him call his Sammy that. The younger Winchester scoffed, "That's not what I'm worried about. If you shoot this thing, you're just gonna make it mad." Sam's tone was clear, ignoring the _are you crazy_ look in Roy's eyes.

"We have to leave. _Now._ "

"One: you're talking nonsense. Two: you're in no position to be giving anyone orders." Roy stood his ground, like he couldn't believe someone like Sam was telling him what to do.

"Relax." Dean kept his gaze pointed toward Roy. He really didn't like hearing him raise his voice towards Sam, (he didn't really like anything the older man was doing) and it especially wasn't helping with the fact that they still needed to leave.

"We never should have let you come out in the first place. I'm trying to protect you-"

" _You_ protect me? I was hunting in these woods when your mommy was still kissing you good night!" Roy interjected, his face inches away from Sam's, his lips set in a snarl like he was ready to fight if Sam didn't relent, which he did not.

"It's a damn-near- _perfect_ hunter. It's smarter than you. And it's gonna hunt you down and eat you alive unless we get your stupid sorry ass outta here." Roy laughed in pure disbelief, "You know you're crazy, right? I thought you were just bein' cute, but now I see you're just crazy." Roy got even closer into Sam's space and that was it, Sam's stoic wall cracked and he got into his face, fists balled up like he was ready to throw the first punch and that was when Dean finally moved and dragged Sammy away. Hailey did the same for Roy, urging them all to just calm down before turning her gaze up to the young hunter.

"Look, Tommy might still be alive. And I'm not leaving here without him." Hailey brought her attention to Dean, a look in her bright blue eyes that said _please, talk to him._ And so he turned to his little brother and Sam knew then that they weren't going anywhere. Sam finally relented, his shoulders slouching in defeat as he looked away from the group in front of him, his bottom lip caught in between his teeth.

"This thing is a good hunter during the day, but an unbelievable hunter at night. We'll never beat it-not in the dark. We need to settle in and protect ourselves." Dean's voice was strong and clear, the perfect example of a leader. Everyone followed his lead with little question as to why, and the Winchester brothers knew in that moment, their main goal was to keep everyone alive.

~*~ 

Night time came and Dean made sure to leave Anasazi symbols around the camp. It was the only thing that was going to keep the beasts out of their camp, so he didn't pay much attention to Roy's laughter. He was actually too worried about Sam of all things as he looked up at saw his forlorn brother sitting on a tree stump.

He sauntered his way over to Sammy and sat down beside him, maybe a little too closely, but no one cared to notice. He leaned in close and whispered, "Wanna tell me what's going on in that freaky head of yours?" He watched as Sam's mouth open and close like he had no idea what to say besides the usual _I'm fine,_ which Dean was not buying.

__

"You're like a powder keg, man. It's not like you. I'm supposed to be the belligerent one, remember?" Dean half-joked, hoping maybe to see at least a little smile from his baby brother. He didn't get one, not even a glance in his direction.

__

"Dad's not here." The fact was so glaringly obvious it almost killed the young hunter to say it out loud. "I mean.. that much we know for sure, right? He would have left a message, a sign, right?" Sam asked as he fumbled with his hands. He didn't know what to do with them when all he wanted to do was hold Dean's.

__

"Yeah, you're probably right. To tell you the truth, I don't think dad's ever been to Lost Creek." Dean gave and Sammy finally turned to look at him, something close to desperation in those hazel eyes.

__

"Then let's get these people back to town, and let's hit the road.. go find dad. I mean, why are we still even here?" The younger Winchester let out in pure aggravation. Dean knelt down in front of Sammy then, their father's journal in the palm of his hand.

__

"This is why.. this book. This is dad's single most valuable possession. Everything he knows about every evil thing is in here. And he's passed it on to us." Dean paused so he could study Sam's face, the same defiance there that he had when they were just boys.

__

"I think he wants us to pick up where he left off. You know, saving people.. hunting things. The family business." He stopped when Sam shook his head. The younger hunter rubbed his hand down his face and tried his best to calm down because his brother's words, his blind trust for their father was enough to get his blood pressure to spike.

__

"That makes no sense." Sam gave, his tone completely exasperated, "Why doesn't he just call us? Why doesn't he just tell us what he wants, tell us where he is?" He hated how calm Dean looked, and that was selfish, he knew that. But the mess going on inside his head was just too much to care, and he literally almost broke when Dean said _I don't know._

__

"But the way I see it, dad's given us a job to do, and I intend to do it."

__

"Dean-" Sam's voice was shaking at this point, and he couldn't tell whether he was about to cry or if he was just plain pissed off, "No. I gotta find dad. I gotta find Jessica's killer. It's the only thing I can think about." Tears welled up in those hazel eyes at the sudden honesty. He knew it wasn't the whole truth-there was way more, but that was enough. For the moment, anyway.

__

"Sammy, we'll find them, I promise." Dean's tone was soft and yet so sure, and that paired with his hand finally wrapped around Sam's, the young Winchester couldn't help but cling to the determination.

__

"Listen to me. You've got to prepare yourself. I mean, this search could take awhile. And all that anger.. you can't keep burning it over the long haul. It's gonna kill you, baby." His fingers trailed up the sleeve of his little brother's jacket, the slip of the pet name making the moment more intimate than he meant it to. Everything in Sam wanted to lean into Dean's touch, or to fall against his chest and just stay there, but they couldn't, not with the rest of the group at such a close proximity.

__

"How do you do it?" He asked with a humorless chuckle, "How does dad do it?" He let himself concentrate on Dean's fingers around his wrists. It calmed him slightly, and made it easier to listen to Dean as he motioned towards Hailey and Ben. They were sitting next to the fire, Hailey's hand wrapped around Ben's and she was no doubt whispering comforting things to not only Ben but to herself.

__

" _Them._ I mean, I figure our family's so screwed to hell, maybe we can help some others. It makes things a little bit more bearable." Sam watched them in silence, taking in Dean's words slowly. He knew he was right, that maybe that worked for the older hunter, but for Sam..

__

"I'll tell you what else helps." Dean's voice brought Sam's attention back to his brother, listening quietly, "Killing as many evil sons of bitches as we possibly can. You and me, baby boy. Killin' 'em all." Dean said with a small smile, and he couldn't help that it got bigger once he finally managed to get his Sammy to smile right back at him.

__

Everything in Sam wanted to kiss Dean. His hand trailed of his big brother's sleeve and his eyes were either lost in those pools of green or onto those plump lips. Dean knew what Sam was thinking without him having to say a word and leaned in, Sam's gasp at such an action was barely audible but he knew Dean heard it. For a split second he really thought his big brother was going to kiss him in front of the camp, and the thought left him both excited and terrified.

__

Instead, Dean completely bypassed Sammy's mouth and went to his ear, "Soon, Sammy." To anyone watching, it'd just look like a secret passed between brothers. And in its own way, it was. Sam couldn't help the surge of disappointment that ran through him and nodded curtly. Dean's lips were still so close to his skin, he could feel his steady breathing against his neck. It wasn't fair, they both knew this. Even _that_ was a tease. It left Sam's skin warm and wanting more, along with the hot shame in the pit of his stomach that felt wrong to feel that way after everything that had happened with Jess.

__

Dean could barely control himself. He wanted so badly to taste his Sammy's skin against his tongue and have him moaning and writhing beneath him. The sudden urge was inappropriate to say the least. It was the wrong time and the wrong place. He forced himself back, but the only thing that took his mind off of his dirty thoughts were the familiar screams from deep within the forest.

__

~*~ 

__

The night was long. No one could sleep, not after the screams, not after Roy disappeared. Sam and Dean-they'd told him to stay in the damn circle. But as the older man shot at the beast, he couldn't bring himself to listen to the brothers. He chased after it and that was it, he was just.. gone.

Sam leaned against a tree trunk, a good distance away from camp. His fingers toyed with a chain attached to the spine of dad's journal, it was just about the only thing keeping him out of his own head, and it wasn't doing a good job.

One thing he really knew for sure was he failed. He was supposed to protect them like Dean said but he _failed_ , and it really only had him thinking he wasn't cut out for it. That life, saving people, were for people like dad and his big brother. Natural born leaders, warriors, built for hunting.

And maybe if he was like that.. strong like his family.. maybe he wouldn't have failed so much. Maybe he wouldn't have hurt his dad-because he knew despite everything it hurt John when he left-maybe he wouldn't have walked away from Dean, and maybe Jess would still be alive.

A whole lot of goddamn maybes. And they were getting him nowhere.

__

~*~ 

__

"These types of things.. they're not supposed to be real." Hailey said from her spot on the ground, her head in her hands. Dean was behind her and Ben, his fingers trailing over the claw prints on an old tree. "Wish I could tell you different." Dean had said with a short sigh.

"How do we know it's not out there watching us?" She asked as the hunter kneeled down in front of her. "We don't." He replied simply.

"But we're safe for now." Dean assured her, his eyes on the flammables in front of him. He faltered slightly when she asked how he learned about all that stuff-hunting. He looked at her then, at her kind blue eyes and just shrugged. "It kind of runs in the family." Was all he gave before standing up, her curious stare burning into him. Sam made his way into camp then, and both Hailey and Ben stood to listen.

"So, we've got half a chance in the daylight. And I, for one.." Sam heaved out a sigh, "want to kill this son of a bitch." His tone was tight, his eyes locking with Dean as soon as the words left his lips. His big brother nodded in his direction, "Well, hell, you know I'm in."

Things moved pretty fast after that. Sam pulled out their dad's journal and explained all they needed to know about Wendigos, starting with the origin, and then with the fact that they were all human once, and became that way due to cannibalism. They would turn into beasts that were always hungry. Hailey shook her head at that.

"So if that's true, how can Tommy still be alive?"

Reluctantly, Dean explained that wendigos know how to last long winters without food, that Tommy was most likely being kept somehow dark and hidden. They had to track it back to that place, it was the only way to get to Tommy.

"How do we stop it?" Hailey asked, urgency spilling from tone of voice. Dean sighed, looking back at Sam for a split second before answering.

"Well, guns are useless, so are knives. Basically.." Dean started as he held up the Molotov in his hand, "We gotta torch the sucker."

But, of course.. they had to find it first.

~*~ 

The group made their way into the woods, following the bloody claw marks left on the trees, sticking close together. After about ten minutes of walking, Sam was beginning to feel uneasy. It didn't make sense to him that a monster, a so-called perfect hunter, would leave a trail so deliberate and easy to follow.

"You know.." Sam started as he moved to stand beside his brother, "I was starting to think that those claw prints, so clear and distinct.." He shook his head, the whole thing so damn obvious it hurt.

"They were almost too easy to follow."

The beast didn't seem to like Sam's discovery, its growl tearing through the trees and surrounding them. It moved too fast. It left the bushes rustling in its swift stride, barely even a shadow visible as it circled them. And then suddenly it stopped, the forest filled with its unforgiving silence. The only thing that could be heard, at least to Sam's ears and definitely Hailey's, was the slow trickle of dark red blood against the poor girl's shoulder.

With a scream and a thud, the broken body of Roy fell right to the ground Sam pulled her up, quickly assessing her and sighing in relief once he found she was okay. The same couldn't be said for Roy as Dean called out, "His neck's broken!"

It was then that the chase started. Dean didn't know when he got separated from Sammy, all he really knew was that he and Ben weren't around when they came face to face with the wild and hungry wendigo.

__

Sam hadn't meant to lose them. Ben tripped and he would be damned if he let someone else get hurt on his watch, so he stopped and lifted the boy up so they both could make it out. By that time Hailey's scream cut through the trees and it was too late. Sam was too slow.

"Dean?!" Sam's heart thudded loud and harsh, he could feel it in his throat as he looked around desperately.

Dean was just...

Gone.

~*~


	9. I'm Here

Sam took a second to just breathe, letting the hunter in him take control so he could keep his composure. Ben needed him to be strong, needed him to find not just Tommy but also Hailey. He tried to keep in mind that they were most likely alive, giving what they learned about Wendigos.

"If it keeps their victims alive, why would it kill Roy?" Ben asked, panic laced his tone but he was trying his best to not let it show, that much Sam could tell. They walked through the forest, searching for any type of sign of the beasts but coming up short.

"Honestly? I think it's because Roy shot it, he pissed it off." _Stupid fucking Roy_ , Sam thought, guilt eating at him like a parasite more than before. He barely noticed as Ben walked a few paces away, Sam's mind clouded with things that were all his fault. An even more pressing thought that he tried to push down was that if he lost Dean.. He'd have no other reason to keep going. Revenge be damned.

"They went this way!"

Sam's head shot up at Ben's words, a flicker of hope in his chest as he ran over to the boy. Sam couldn't help but grin once he saw the trail of M&M's. "Better than bread crumbs." The young Winchester chuckled. He suddenly loved his brother's insatiable need for sweets. Ben smiled with him and Sam could see the same flicker of hope in the boy that he had.

They follow it for awhile before they made it down to an abandoned mine. Ben hesitated, visibly scared. Sam turned and gave him a look that said it'll be okay and then he nodded, close behind the hunter as they made their way through the cold, damp place.

Things were eerily quiet besides the mud beneath their feet. They had no idea where they were going, just kept by the path of the tracks. That was until a shadow cast over him, a figure so big that it had to be the Wendigo.

Sam shoved himself and Ben against the wall, the boy's hands in a tight grip on Sam's jacket. The young hunter kept a protective arm around Ben's torso. They were pretty much in the clear as it walked by, but it was just too close and it made the teen whimper. Sam had no choice but to reach over with his other hand and force his mouth closed. They held onto their breaths until the beast was finally out of sight.

Sam made his way down the path it came from and Ben's grip didn't loosen, a short glance showed that the boy's face was pale with fear. He concentrated on the tracks and how he was gonna find Dean. The sound of wood creaking pulled him away from his thoughts and made him go still, and one wrong move from Ben made the floor give way, and the two fell.

The older of the two landed right on his back and all the air left him, his vision blacking out for a few short seconds until a yell forced him to shoot up in a sitting position. He was by Ben's side as soon as he got the chance, telling him it was going to be okay. Ben had gotten spooked by skeletons and for some reason his cheeks turned a deep red, like he was embarrassed about being scared.

"It really is okay, Ben." Sam breathed as he gave Ben's arm a comforting squeeze. He didn't look away until he was given a nod, and then he adverted his gaze around the room they found themselves in. He almost cried out in both fear and joy when he saw Dean hanging by his wrists beside Hailey because he was actually right there in front of Sam, and the fear was because his brother wasn't moving.

"Dean!" Sam gasped as he ran over to him, searching for a pulse. Ben was beside him, doing the same for Hailey. Sam sighed in relief when he found what he was looking for, tears prickling at his eyes as he shook Dean awake. As soon as those green eyes opened, Sam leaned down and pressed a hard, desperate kiss to his lips, not giving a shit that Ben could see or the fact that Hailey was still barely conscious. The only thing he cared about was Dean and the fact that he was still alive.

The kiss only lasted for a few seconds and then Sam pulled away, and was greeted with a confused stare. "I'm gonna let you down." Dean could only blink in response and just watched as Sam used his pocket knife to cut the rope. He fell into Sam's chest one it was done and everything in him just wanted to stay there. He could vaguely hear Sam talking to Ben about Hailey and then passing the knife to the boy.

"Are you okay?" Sam asked as he sat Dean onto the floor, his hands back on the older brother's cheeks in that same instant. Dean wasn't really worrying about his wounds anymore. The only thing he could think about was Sam's lips, and how he actually kissed him in front of them, even after telling them they were brothers. He supposed that sorta answered his own internal question from the day before.

Sam didn't care who knew. He would only hide and tip toe around others for Dean's own benefit. The thought made Dean give a sad smile. He could see Hailey from the corner of his eye, fully awake and standing with Ben. It didn't stop him from pulling Sam in by shirt and kissing him just like Sam just had. The younger Winchester yelped in surprise but soon kissed back, his hands gripping at Dean's jacket.

Just like before, it only lasted a few seconds before one pulled away. It was Dean that time as he looked up at Sam with a proud smirk, "I'll be even better when we kill that son of a bitch." Sam nodded in agreement as he helped his brother stand.

A sharp gasp from behind them let them know that the other set of siblings weren't too worried about what the Winchesters were doing because they had just found their missing brother.

"Tommy!" Hailey called out as she took the knife from Ben. She stood on her tip toes as she cut him down, her and Ben working carefully to set him down once he was released from the rope.

"Ben. Hailey." Tommy mumbled, his smile wide even as he was slipping in and out from the waking world. Sam knew that they'd have to leave soon, that he needed immediate medical attention. So he couldn't help but grin once Dean found their tickets out of there.

"Flare guns." Sam said through a chuckle while he looked over his brother's smug face as he held them in his hands. "Those'll work."

~*~

Sam, Hailey and Ben all worked to hold Tommy steady. Sam used his other hand to hold up the flare gun, pointing and ready in the opposite direction of Dean. The older Winchester was in front of them, acting as if he wasn't hurting but Sam could see Dean grip at his side from the corner of his eye. For the sake of his brother's pride, he chose not to comment on it.

Growling echoed through the mine and made them all pause, Sam's grip tight on the flare gun. "Looks like someone's home for supper." Dean said, his gaze falling onto Sam. He knew what he had to do before Hailey even pointed out there was no way they could outrun the thing.

Sam was not going like it.

"You know what I have to do, Sammy." He meant for it to come off like a question, but it was more of a statement, and he guessed that was more fitting anyhow. Sam knew him better than anyone.

Sam lowered his gun just a half an inch and took in a deep breath. He didn't want Dean to go on by himself. He was injured and damnit, Sam just got him back! But the hunter in Sam reminded him what was more important: getting the civilians out safely.

The youngest Winchester nodded solemnly, "Yeah, I know." He understood, but he didn't have to act happy about it.

Dean turned towards the other three, releasing the grip on his arm as he spoke, "Stay with Sam. He's gonna get you outta here." Everyone nodded in understanding and huddled even closer to the younger hunter.

"Just be careful." Sam added and hoped it didn't sound too much like the plea that it was. Dean's response was his sly grin and a quick wink. It made warmth travel down Sam's abdomen and he couldn't help but think that Dean better survive this so they could take care of that together.

Dean parted ways then, yelling out taunts to get the monster to come in his direction. Sam didn't move until his brother signaled him to do so. The young hunter kept his group close as they turned the left corner, and from a distance it looked like an exit.

They were so close, but halted their movements when a roar erupted from behind them. Sam took in a deep breath and gripped tightly at the gun in his palm. He'd only have one shot. He needed to make it count.

"Go. I'll be there soon, just go." Sam urged and he watched as Hailey practically had to drag Ben away, while simultaneously trying to keep Tommy steady. Her voice was strong and clear as she ordered her little brother to help her, and he did as he was told. It made him feel a little better as he turned around, not stopping until it came into view.

He pressed himself against the wall and sucked in a breath as its ugly face roared into his. Sam's hand fumbled with the flare gun, barely having enough time to actually aim before he pulled the trigger-

He _missed._

It hadn't even grazed the beast, just scared it enough to give Sam the opportunity to run. His long legs carried him to the end of the tunnel where he was greeted by their scared blue eyes.

The exit was blocked off. They were stuck and it was coming, its pace slow and mocking as it knew they had nowhere else to go. "It's okay. It's gonna be okay." Sam said as he turned away from them and raised his arms, keeping them tucked behind him, hoping his too big body would prove as a shield. He hoped it'd be enough.

~*~

Dean's plan hadn't exactly worked. He cursed under his breath as the beast's roar came from the same direction Sam had went. His feet moved quicker once he heard the sound of a flare gun going off, a tight grip on his side because it honestly was hurting, but he couldn't think about that. Dean couldn't think about himself when he had to make sure his Sammy was okay.

Once he finally got close enough, he could see his little brother with his arms stretched out, protecting the family behind him like they were trained to do, with zero fear in his eyes. Even as the monster raised his claws, all he did was shut his eyes, accepting his fate.

And that just wouldn't fucking do! Not on Dean's watch, at any rate.

"Hey, ugly!" Dean yelled, the gun already raised and aimed properly, despite the screaming pain in his side. It turned around with a frustrated screech and was ready to lunge, but Dean's trigger finger was too quick. The flare hit it directly in the stomach, and they all watched in awe as it burst into flames, leaving nothing but a pile of ash.

~*~

It was cutting it close for a while there, what with Tommy slipping in and out of consciousness in the back seat of the Impala, but they made it back to the ranger station in one piece. Soon the empty lot was filled with police cars and an ambulance. Sam stood with Ben and helped him explain their story to the cops. It had been a bad bear attack, and that was it. Luckily the boy was more than willing not to make a fool of himself by trying to convince the officers what was really out there.

Hailey was the same. She kept up with the story, mainly keeping her eyes on Tommy. When she had a moment, she walked away with Dean to his car, her smile soft and kind. "I don't even know how to thank you. Just.. thank you." She said as she tucked a curly strand behind her ear.

Dean could have slid in with a flirtatious joke there. It was almost tempting. Almost. But his eyes fell on Sam, who was still beside Ben, talking to the young man with a smile on his face. His dimples were showing and Dean's chest swelled with warmth. Hailey followed his gaze and she gave a knowing smile.

"You know, you didn't have to lie before, about Sam being your brother. I'm not homophobic or anything." Her voice caught him off guard, dragging him out of his thoughts. He fumbled with his words then, because somehow admitting that she actually did witness him kiss his own brother was actually too much.

"Don't worry. We won't tell anyone. Just.. thank you so much for.. everything."

That sentence was all Sam was able to catch of the conversation as he walked up and stood by his brother. She gave the tall man a warm smile as he draped an arm over Ben's shoulders, slowly dragging him away so they could get seated in the ambulance next to Tommy.

The brothers leaned against the hood of the Impala and watched as the double doors shut behind the three siblings. Dean took in a deep breath and as it drove off. "Man. I hate camping." Sam replied with a dry laugh, "Me too."

Dean gave him long look from the corner of his eye, "Sam, you know we're going to find dad, right?" He asked in the hopes that his baby's brother brooding was over with.  
"Yeah, I know." Sam said with a curt nod. He didn't really want to think about their dad right then. Instead, he looked at Dean with heat in his eyes and the older brother could feel the intensity of it. He could feel it down low in the form of heat swirling in his abdomen with pure excitement.

"But in the mean time," Sam leaned in, not too close to raise suspicions, but close enough to be a damn tease,

"I'm driving."

~*~

Dean let Sam drive to the next town over, and by that point it was already late and he was in desperate need for a shower and a bed. It didn't help that all he wanted to do was get his hands on Sam. And he still wasn't sure if he read that look correctly. Maybe it was just his horny brain getting the best of him.

He couldn't help but hope that wasn't the case as Sam pulled into a twenty-four hour motel. Dean waited patiently in the car as the less injured brother paid for the room, and then he was back and suddenly he was grabbing both of their bags like Dean wasn't able to.

Dean wanted to protest it. It was just a bruised rib and a few little cuts, nothing even major. But the look on Sam's face, something hard and serious, made Dean keep quiet. It wasn't like the day before. It was something more intense and it made the prospect of anything sexual happening less likely. Though Dean couldn't deny he was a little  
disappointed, he still stood by his pledge: they'd go by Sammy's pace. Even if Sam's pace was a little slow and confusing.

He gave his baby brother a long look as he shut the door. Sam was setting their bags down and taking off his coat. It didn't really seem like he was really interested in talking so Dean just sighed and tried to pull his jacket which only resulted in a painful hiss.

"Dean!" Sam gasped as he rushed over to the older man. "Be careful." His voice was soft and his hands were gentle as he pushed Dean's jacket off. Dean couldn't find a quip in him. He just let himself relish in the feel of his little brother's not so little hands.

"Sam." His voice was breathier than he really meant it to be. "Undress me? I.. I really need to shower." Dean only felt slightly embarrassed by asking for help, but it was worth it. Sam looked down with a nod, his cheeks a slight pink as he worked at Dean's buttons. His palms slid up Dean's hard chest and broad shoulders as he slid the over shirt off and onto the floor. His touches were too slow and too sensual. Sam had to know what he was doing to Dean.

"This is the hard part. I'll try to be gentle." Sammy whispered as the tips of his fingers fell to the hem of Dean's black shirt. Dean tried not to think about any other context those words could be used for, because he was already half hard from Sam's touches.

It almost faded however when Sam started lifting up the fabric, "Only raise your right arm slightly.. Just enough to get the shirt up and over the left." Dean did as he was told and even though it took a minute, the stupid piece of cloth was finally off his body.

Sam's eyes were on his big brother's body, and then those amazing hands. He started at Dean's shoulders, and then down his hard chest, and fuck-Dean looked even hotter than he did back then. His heated gaze turned soft once he reached the dark purple bruises on Dean's right side, fingertips grazing gently but barely touching.

"Do you need help with your pants?"

_Shit,_ Dean thought, as he was already back at half-mast from those words alone. It had more to do with Sam's tone. He probably didn't even realize how sexy he sounded. And that somehow made it even better.

"I'd be lying if seeing you take my pants off wouldn't be an amazing sight, Sammy." Dean breathed as he rested his hand against Sam's warm cheek. "But I can do it myself." He left out the 'if it makes you uncomfortable' part but Sam caught it anyhow, and it almost felt like a challenge even though he knew that it wasn't what it was. That fact didn't stop him from falling to his knees, his eyes never Dean's.

Sam never wanted Dean to think he wasn't ready to do those things. That wasn't his intention. He guessed it had to do with his mood, with everything jumbling around in his head, that he hadn't shown much sexual interest. But it was there-always there. It never left. Sam just felt guilty feeling that way after.. no. He didn't want to think about her right then. He didn't want to feel guilty that night.

"Sam-" Dean gasped once his baby brother fell to his knees, those hazel eyes staring up at him and he almost hated how hard he already was just from the sight alone. Sam's long fingers worked slowly to remove Dean's belt, and even as it hit the floor, their eyes were still locked together. The older brother's heart rate kicked up at the possibilities as he watched Sam undo the button and the zipper.

Just when Dean thought his pants were going to be pulled down, Sam's hands trailed down his thighs, over his bowed legs and stopped at his boots. He broke the eye contact to untie each boot. That part seemed strangely intimate. It made Dean's cheeks burn and caused him to look away, only stepping up to help Sam remove the dirty shoes and socks. He knew his feet had to smell, but Sam didn't comment on it, and Dean couldn't find his voice to even joke about it.

Those big hands were back on his thighs and moved upwards just to go back down along with the jeans. Soon enough Dean was in nothing but his black boxer briefs, the bulge of his hard cock plain as day. Sam's face was right there in an instant, pressed up against the fabric, nuzzling against the outline of it. _"Mine."_

Sam knew he sounded like a child. He knew it and yet he couldn't bring himself to care, simply because it was the truth. Dean was his. That included every part of him.

"Yeah, Sammy. All yours." Dean whispered, his fingers carding though his brother's chestnut hair. "You want it, baby?" His voice was deep and more gruff than usual. It made Sam shiver and nod, brushing against the hard length on purpose. Dean let out a sharp breath at the feeling, and it took everything in him to get Sam back on his feet.

"Let's wash up first, okay? We really stink."

Sam reluctantly agreed and followed Dean to the bathroom. He managed to pull of his socks and shoes before even making it in. Dean reached out to help but Sam just shook his head, "Don't strain yourself. Besides.." He pulled his shirt over his head and dropped it to the floor, "I need to get my hands on you."

Dean smirked and watched as his baby brother rushed out of his jeans, "Hurry up then, baby boy." Though it hurt, he was able to pull his boxers off, groaning loudly when his cock sprung free. "Look at what you do to me, Sammy. Fuck."

"Dean!" Sam whined, the sound needy and young, not the sound of a grown man. He couldn't help the involuntary twitch of his hole, remembering the night that very cock filled him and god-the thought of actually having that again almost made him come on the spot.

He doubted he'd get there that night as he watched Dean grimace just by bending down and cutting the shower on. And he was okay with that. There was something else he wanted, something he never got to do before.

"The water is nice and warm, baby brother." He had turned around to feel the temperature of the spray, and he had fully expected to see a naked Sam as soon as he turned back. But what he hadn't expected was how damn beautiful it was going to be. Which, in hindsight, was silly. He knew Sam was beautiful. The problem was he'd only got to experience it once.

How many times could he have let his eyes wonder? He never let himself before, not when Sammy was just a kid. Dean could remember his little brother staring at him a little too much those days, but he hadn't thought anything of it. He wouldn't let himself. Not until that one, single night. And then he lost it the very next day and he never thought.. "Get over here." Dean ordered playfully, and he almost melted when he was greeted with Sam's dimples and bright smile.

~*~

The warm water soothed Dean's aching muscles, and Sam's hands and a soapy rag eased his nerves. Sam had washed his hair first, and Dean swore he could still feel those big fingers massaging into his scalp. He didn't even have time to protest Sam doing any of that for him, and as Sam got to work he couldn't fathom why he would even do such a thing. For the first time in he didn't know how long, he was at ease, maybe even a little sleepy and most definitely rock hard.

Sam's mouth was on Dean's freshly cleaned neck, kissing and sucking gently as he used his hand to wash Dean's cock and balls. Dean let out content, borderline whiny noises and Sam knew he was going to need more. He went to his knees again, mouth watering at the sight of Dean's fully erect member.

"Sammy, please. Need your mouth, baby boy." Dean begged, truly begged and it made Sam's whole body flush with heat. He still wasn't used to his big brother actually wanting him. And the fact that it was all true made him smile happily up at Dean, before trailing his tongue up the underside of his length.

_Damn tease,_ Dean thought, all the while enjoying the sight of Sam's pink tongue. There was no heat to the thought, and honestly he was damn flattered by the way his baby brother was savoring his taste, like he'd never get the chance again. And he definitely would, a fact Dean was sure of as he watched his cock disappear into Sam's warm mouth.

Sam had never done something like that before. He went by instinct and what he would like. Which seemed to work, seeing as Dean was already knotting his fingers in Sam's hair, gently guiding his baby brother down his length. He wasn't able to take it in all the way, but he made up for it by using his hands to pump the part he couldn't fit.

"God, Sammy, so good." Dean babbled, watching each and every one of Sam's movements. He was already so close. It'd been so long since he'd had this, since he'd fully had Sam. The younger Winchester could tell, could feel his cock pulsate on his tongue, and he wanted it. He sucked harder, slipping a hand down to fondle his brother's balls and that was it, Dean came with a groan, his come spilling down his Sammy's throat.

Sam swallowed it all and then kissed Dean deeply, tongue slipping past those plump lips so he could taste himself. Dean moaned into it, his hands reaching around to grip at Sam's ass.

"Dean, please. Your fingers. Need it." Sam whined as he rutted against Dean's hipbone. The older brother obliged, his finger, slick with soap and water, brushed against the tight pucker. He remembered the last time he'd done this to Sam. It was careful and slow, to prep him. That time was different. He needed a release with something of Dean's inside of him and Dean was happy to give him just that.

"God, Dean.." Sam moaned, his voice cracking when Dean's finger breached through. Sam breathed out, deep and shaky, and rutted his cock up against his brother. "Doesn't hurt. Don't hold back." Sam whispered, his hands gripping tightly at Dean's shoulders.

Dean kissed Sam's neck as he added a second finger, sucking a beautiful mark there as Sam panted his name over and over. Sam looked so good like that, and damnit, if Dean wasn't hurt he would have already bent the younger Winchester over and gave him the real thing. "All mine, Sammy. All mine." Dean growled, fingers fucking to Sam at an even faster pace and the younger man sobbed out, his red tipped cock aching for release.

"A-all yours, De. No.. no one else.. ever been in me like this.. jus' you.." Sam babbled sweetly, using the nickname Dean hadn't heard since Sam was small. Dean moaned out in response to Sam's words, his spent cock twitching pathetically. He got down on his knees despite the pain and despite Sam's protests and immediately took Sam's length in his mouth, his fingers still hitting that spot just right inside his brother.

Sam moaned loudly, it echoed through the small bathroom and he couldn't bring himself to feel bad for their temporary neighbors as he came, _hard._ Dean did the same as Sam and took it all, and didn't stop until Sammy whined from the overstimulation from plump lips and thick fingers.

"Come on, Sammy. The water's getting cold." Dean said as he cut the shower off. Sam took Dean's hand as soon as they got out and dried off. The older brother couldn't help but smile at how young and vulnerable Sam looked in that moment, and even more so as they laid down together, still completely naked and clinging tightly.

"Thought I lost you, Dean." Sam whispered as he toyed with the amulet sitting on Dean's chest. "It's scary, feeling like this.. like I could lose you at any time." Sam admitted softly and the older Winchester's smile was replaced by a frown.

"That why you were acting so down earlier?" Dean asked, and Sam nodded into his chest in response. Dean let out a long sigh before rearranging their position so they were looking at each other.

"Sammy," Dean started, his hand caressing the younger man's cheek gently, "I understand how you feel. I'd feel the same way. But I'm here. You're here. We need to remember that when it starts getting hard, okay?" Dean's voice was so soft and sure and Sam melted into it, hung on to each word as Dean wrapped them up in the thin motel blanket.

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: PHEW! It has been a while since I last updated. So sorry about that. I got distracted by other stories I've been trying to write. But I didn't forget about this! I'm trying to figure out my pace again, so bear with me. Also, I don't know any anything about medical stuff, so please bear with me on that aspect too. D': Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this.


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